


A Fighting Chance

by Capsicle2013



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Arguing, Break Up Talk, Bucky Barnes Is a Good Bro, Child Death, Childbirth, Discussion of Abortion, Established Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Getting Back Together, Kid Peter Parker, M/M, Mpreg, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Not Canon Compliant, Original Character Death(s), Pepper Potts & Tony Stark Friendship, Pepper Potts Is a Good Bro, Peter Parker is Tony and Steve's Biological Child, Precious Peter Parker, Pregnant Steve Rogers, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Sick Character, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tragedy, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-11-26
Packaged: 2020-12-14 20:14:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 23,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21021611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Capsicle2013/pseuds/Capsicle2013
Summary: Steve blames himself.  He was the reason why their son was sick. He was born with the same exact illnesses, but if the serum could save him, then it could do the same for his son.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So remember when I said I would stop writing sad Stony fics...yeah, I lied and I'm so very sorry! I was watching Grey's Anatomy and it inspired me to write this. I mean, spoiler alert I don't kill Steve so that's better right? I didn't think so. I'm sorry!

For as long as he could remember, Steve’s life had always been difficult. He knew how cruel life could be from the moment he entered the world sick and frail, struggling to take his first breath. He learned to cope with his sickly and scrawny body, deciding early on that he wasn’t going to let it define who he was and stop him from reaching his fullest potential.

Life was hard, but he managed. It wasn’t until he lost his mother did he realize just how unfair life really was. He was left to figure out the world alone, without the the one person that had aided and guided him through most of it.

But he wasn’t completely alone. He still had his best friend Bucky and that had been more than enough. Bucky meant everything to him and he had hoped that life would give him a break and allow him the one good thing he had left.

Life had other plans.

Losing his best friend was devastating. Bucky has been his rock, the one person that had been there for him when no one else was. Steve didn’t want to be part of a world that didn’t have Bucky in it. But he wasn’t that lucky.

Waking up from the ice seventy years later and discovering that everything and everyone he ever knew and loved now belonged in the past, was just another reminder that his life was and will always be unforgiving.

Like he had done before, he accepted the way things were and learned to cope. He learned that the future wasn’t all bad, it had some positive qualities. Belonging to the team of Avengers was one of them. The other was meeting Tony Stark.

He didn’t hit it off with Tony right away. They were two very different people and it was a struggle to get along and tolerate the other. It didn’t happen overnight, but gradually they became closer and closer.

Steve didn’t consider Tony just another teammate or friend, he was more than that. He became the one person he couldn’t live without, and for once life decided to go easy on him.

Things were starting to look up: he wasn’t suffering from his past illnesses, he found someone that he saw a future with, and he miraculously got his best friend back.

And now he and Tony were expecting their first child. It was an unexpected surprise to say the least. They weren’t ready to start a family, hadn’t talked much about their future, but that didn’t stop Steve from wanting to go through with the pregnancy. This child was just another blessing.

The months pass with ease, nothing wrong or out of the ordinary conflicts with the pregnancy. Everything is almost perfect, more so than it's ever been. For the first time Steve believed that life was going easy on him.

* * *

Steve rests his hand over his protruding middle, rubbing small circles to calm the child within. He smiles when a foot pushes against his palm. The kicks the baby produces aren’t very strong, but Steve doesn’t dwell on it. He’s not very far along yet and figures the kicks and nudges will increase in strength the further along he gets.

Strong arms are wrapping around him, startling him at first, then he’s relaxing into the familiar touch. Tony’s hand slides under his own, palms flat against the growing bump.

“How’s he doing?” Tony asks, pressing a kiss to the nape of Steve’s neck. They had yet to discover the gender of their baby, but Tony was certain that it was a boy. Steve didn’t have a preference; he just wanted the baby to be healthy.

“Good. Could be a girl though,” he reminds his boyfriend. Tony hums in response, hands roaming over the bump in hopes of feeling his child move.

“It’s a boy. He’s going to look just like you.”

Steve smiles. The day he discovered he was pregnant, the image his mind conjured up of their child didn’t resemble him. They had Tony’s deep, brown eyes and dark hair to match. In just a few months time he would find out exactly what his child looks like, and he’s secretly hoping he or she takes after Tony.

“Is Strange here yet?” Steve questions, turning in Tony’s arms so that they could link eyes.

Tony can’t help but roll his eyes at the name. He and Doctor Strange didn’t see eye to eye on many things, which only resulted in snarky comments and banters. It reminded Steve of his relationship with Tony before they realized there was something deeper between them. He knew in time Tony and Strange would become closer and learn to get along.

“I’m sure we’ll know when he magically poofs into the room,” Tony jokes. It’s not amusing and Steve frowns. “Sorry, he just-why can’t we get someone else? He doesn't even practice medicine anymore. He’s a wizard!”

“Tony, he’s the only one I trust. I’ve never had good experiences with doctors and Stephen-”

“Wait, hold on. You’re calling him Stephen now?”

“That is his name. He agreed to help us and the least you could do is be respectful and appreciative.”

Tony huffs and crosses his arms over his chest, resembling that of a young child. Steve can already picture Tony and their baby acting out when they didn’t get their way.

“Please?” Steve reaches out for his boyfriend and Tony instantly relaxes under his touch. “It’s just for a few months. Can you handle that?”

Tony sighs. “Yeah. But if he’s an asshole then I will be one right back.”

Steve shakes his head and opens his mouth to protest, but Friday interrupts, announcing the doctor’s arrival.

“Come on,” Steve says and he takes Tony’s hand. “Let’s go meet him.”

* * *

They were having a boy. Tony is ecstatic, making sure to gloat about how he had been right. It’s annoying the doctor, but Strange doesn’t make any attempt to silence him. Steve lets him enjoy it, knowing bragging was one of the things Tony loved to do.

“I told you!” Tony’s smile is wide and his dark eyes are bright with happiness. “I knew it! We’re having a boy and he’s going to be just like you. I just know it. I’m always right.”

Steve smiles, one hand resting over the top of his growing middle. “Not always,” he jokes, chuckling when Tony frowns at him.

“Are you done?” Stephen finally decides to rain on Tony’s parade. Tony rolls his eyes at him and gestures for him to continue.

The room is silent again, and then it’s being filled with a familiar sound. The moment Steve first heard his baby’s heartbeat was one he was never going to forget. Since then he couldn’t wait to hear it again; it was one of his favorite sounds.

But this time something is off. He listens closely to the soft thumping, frowning when he realizes they’re too soft and not as fast as the last time he heard it. He’s not the only one who’s noticed the change in his son’s heartbeat. There’s a deep frown on Stephen’s face.

Something was wrong. He could feel it deep in the pit of his stomach, knots twisting and tightening. He felt sick.

The hand in his own tightens and Steve knows Tony can feel it too. He glances up to meet his boyfriends’ brown eyes; they’re worried just like his own.

“Strange?” Tony’s voice cuts through the uneasy silence and Steve’s eyes linger to the man in question, squeezing Tony’s hand a little tighter.

Stephen doesn’t acknowledge Tony, eyes focused on the screen in front of him. His fingers grip the transducer tightly, knuckles beginning to turn white from the firm grasp.

Steve watches as the tiny remote moves around the curve of his belly, then he’s shifting his gaze to the screen, brows drawing together in a frown. He can’t see what the doctor sees.

“Stephen?” Steve tries to get his attention, only to go ignored like Tony had. “Doctor Strange?”

Stephen tears his eyes away from the screen to lock them with Steve’s and Steve knows. His heart plummets to the ground and tears immediately sprang to his eyes. He grips Tony’s hand as hard as he can, only letting go when Tony tries to break free from the firm grasp.

“Stephen, please,” Steve begs. He’s begging for the doctor to give him some good news, to assure him that his son was going to be okay. But the sorrowful look on the doctor’s face tells Steve exactly what he needs to know.

* * *

They haven’t said a word to each other since they returned back to the privacy of their apartment. The news is still hitting them, their minds desperately trying to comprehend their situation.

Steve immediately blames himself. He was the reason why their son was sick. He was born with the same exact illnesses and it shouldn’t have surprised him that he would pass them down to his children, but he thought that wasn’t going to be an issue. The serum had changed him, cured his body and made it new again. It had to do the same for his son.

Tony doesn’t bother staying, he needs to get away, to go to his place of escape; his lab. Steve lets him go, wishing his boyfriend wouldn’t hide away from him and their problems, but he understands. He’d run away too if he could.

It’s late when he decides enough is enough and Tony should be with him. They need to talk, to make a decision. Steve’s already made up his mind, but he needs to hear Tony’s side.

Tony’s hard at work, tinkering with a suit that Steve knows doesn’t need to be fixed. He quietly shuffles toward his boyfriend, hands coming to rest upon his shoulders. Tony flinches from the touch, then he’s relaxing and with a heavy sigh he lowers his tools. He frees one hand from his work and reaches behind to place it over Steve’s.

“You shouldn’t be down here,” Tony says and Steve doesn’t miss how tired he sounds. He rubs at the firm shoulders.

“Neither should you. We need to talk.” Tony tenses at those words, but Steve is persistent. “Tony, we need to-”

“I know. I heard you.” Tony shrugs Steve off and rises to his feet, crossing the room to put some distance between them. He pretends to be interested in his computer, but it’s just a distraction. He’s not ready to have that conversation with Steve.

“Tony, please. I don’t want to make this decision alone. He’s your son too.”

“Yeah, that’s the problem. He’s my son. Something like this was going to happen sooner or later.”

Steve frowns. “Tony, what are you talking about?”

Tony sighs harshly and turns to face Steve. “Come on, Cap. You and I both know what kind of person I used to be. This is karma; this is the universe punishing me.”

“That’s not it. You’re not being punished, and if anyone is to blame here, it should be me.”

“You? You’re perfect, Steve. You’ve never done half the things I did.”

“I’m not perfect,” Steve sighs and leans against Tony’s workbench. He places one hand over his middle, hoping to feel the gentle kicks from his son. “I was sick and now…now our son is sick. It’s not your issues Tony, it’s mine.”

Tony shakes his head angrily, eyes welling with tears. “This isn’t fair. This isn’t fucking fair!”

Steve flinches at the outburst, eyes immediately drawn to the floor. “It’s not. I’m sorry.”

Soft footsteps are coming near him and Steve peers up to meet Tony’s tearful gaze. Tony moves to lean on the workbench beside him, and with one hand he reaches out for Steve’s. “It’s gonna be okay, Cap.”

“We can’t give up. When I was sick, my mother never gave up on me. I can’t give up on him.” Steve rubs his hand over his belly, smiling softly when his son gently nudges against his palm.

“I know but…”

“But you want to.”

Tony sighs and gives Steve’s hand a gentle squeeze. “Believe me I don’t want to. This kid deserves a chance, but he also deserves a happy life. Were you happy?”

“No,” Steve answers honestly. He struggled through most of his life. A part of him doesn’t want his son to have to suffer the way he did, but the other half wants to fight for his son, to give him that chance. “But the world is different now. He could have a fighting chance.”

“Steve-”

“No, Tony. If the serum could save me then maybe...maybe something in this new world can save him. Maybe the serum will come through and save him. I can’t give up on him.”

“I know,” Tony sighs sadly. He traces the knuckles of Steve’s hand with his thumb. He’s made up his mind about their son, but after hearing Steve’s decision, he wishes he could be on the same page as him.

But he’s not. He would rather they try again instead of continuing the pregnancy and having their son suffer. He was lucky growing up, not having to deal with the illnesses Steve had to endure. He can’t imagine what Steve and his parents went through. He doesn’t want that for them and their son.

“Steve, we can’t...we can’t do this. We can’t do this to him. I know you think by some miracle he’s going to pull through, but the odds aren’t in our favor. You have to terminate. At least now before it gets too late.”

Steve moves his hand away, eyes shiny with tears and jaw tense. Tony tries reaching for him again, but Steve is already deciding that the conversation is over and he makes his way toward the exit.

“Steve, wait!” Tony calls out to him. The door shuts behind Steve and Tony is left alone once again. “Dammit,” he curses to himself, rubbing his hand over his face.

He knows to give Steve space when he asks for it, but their conversation was far from over. They had yet to make a decision on their son and they didn’t have much time left. They needed to make one soon.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Steve make a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I busted this next one out and though it was short, I decided to just post it. Hope you all enjoy!!

Tony doesn’t bother going back upstairs, deciding to give himself and Steve space before an unnecessary fight breaks out. He works late into the night before the exhaustion begins to take a toll on him, and he abandons his project. The couch in his lab doesn’t offer the same warmth and comfort the bed he shares with Steve does, but it would do for now. He just hopes he doesn’t find himself on this couch again.

He tosses and turns that night, the events of the day plaguing his mind. With a sigh he rolls over onto his back, eyes landing on the ceiling above and lets his mind wander.

He thinks about his son and what he can do to help him. He had all the money in the world, but he wonders if that’s enough. The best doctor could be hired, but would that be enough? Could they help their son?

Tony shuts his eyes, wishing those questions would leave him alone, but they’re all he can think about. He wants what’s best for his son, wants to give him everything and anything. But a life without pain and suffering didn’t exist.

The last thing he wants is for his son to suffer, to watch helpless as his son fights to stay alive. He can’t imagine living a life like that.

He rolls over and curls himself up, eyes squeezing shut when they well with tears. He doesn’t want to cry. He has to be strong.

* * *

Steve is already awake when Tony finally decides to return home. He finds Steve curled up on the sofa, eyes red and shiny. Their eyes meet and Tony hates how broken Steve looks.

Steve looks away quickly and sniffs, using his sleeve to wipe at his nose. “Are you here to talk?”

Tony nods and steps further into the living room. “And apologize. I was a little insensitive.”

“A little insensitive?” Steve scoffs. “Try a lot.”

“I’m sorry. Steve, I’m so sorry.” Tony takes the empty seat on the sofa, making sure not to touch Steve until he’s granted permission.

“Me too. Tony, we need to really think this through.”

“I agree. So let’s talk. Tell me what you’re thinking.” Tony reaches out for Steve’s hand, smiling softly when Steve accepts it.

“I think…” Steve pauses to take a breath. He knows where he stands on the issue regarding their son, but knowing Tony isn’t standing with him makes it difficult to tell Tony how he feels. Tony’s rubbing his hand now, and it brings some comfort. “I think...I think we need to keep trying-“”

“I think that’s best. We have time to try again.”

“No, Tony,” Steve frowns. “We need to keep trying to save him. You still want to give up?”

Tony sighs when Steve rips his hand away. “Steve, I’m not giving up I’m just...I’m just preparing myself.”

“No, what you’re doing is giving up. You’re giving up on our son, Tony!”

“I’m not giving up!” Tony yells.

They’re surrounded in silence now, eyes locked together and it’s not until Tony catches the tear rolling down Steve’s face does he calm down. He sighs heavily.

“Cap, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean...I’m just- ” Tony sighs. “I’m scared, Steve. I’m scared for you, for him.”

“We’re going to be okay,” Steve assures.

“It’s just...what if we do everything right, get the best doctor that money can buy and it’s not enough? What do we do then?”

“I don’t know. But we can’t just give up on him. He needs us, Tony. He needs us to fight for him when no one else will.”

“Steve, I don’t want to lose him. I want him to be happy and-“

“He will be. With us.”

Tony scoffs and rises to his feet. “How can you be so sure? How can you have so much faith?”

“I’m just doing what my mother did for me. She never gave up on me and I can’t give up on my son. If there’s even a chance-“

“What if there isn’t?”

“But there could be. Tony, why is it so hard for you to understand?” Steve demands, his tone rising in volume. The gentle nudge inside of him reminds him to calm down and he places one hand over his belly.

“I just feel you’re not thinking this through. You keep saying this is all for him, but I think it’s for you.” Tony doesn’t miss the way his words affect Steve; his blue eyes fill with tears and anger. “Steve-“

Steve shakes his head and pushes himself off the couch. Tony reaches out for him, but he moves away. “No, don’t bother. I can make the decision myself. I don’t need you.”

“Steve, stop. This isn’t fair-“

“You’re right, it’s not fair. It’s not fair our son is sick and his father would rather give up on him then-“

“I’m not giving up! Fuck, why can’t you understand that!”

“Why can’t you just give him a chance! You say I’m only thinking about myself, but it’s you!”

“I’m trying to prepare myself!” Tony yells.

“For what!” Steve raises his own voice to match Tony’s. “Tell me what you’re trying to prepare yourself for!”

“For losing him!” Steve grows quiet at those words, expression softening. Tears are gathering in Tony’s eyes, a shaky breath leaving his lips when he tries to calm himself. He doesn’t allow his emotions to be seen; the wall he’s had up his whole life rarely comes down. Steve is one of the few that gets to see that wall crumble.

“Tony,” Steve comes closer and Tony allows him to pull him close. “We’re not going to lose him. We’re not.”

“But if we do…” Tony pulls himself free from Steve’s arms. “If we lose him or..or let’s say we don’t, but then he’s fighting for his life every single day, I’d never forgive myself. I can’t imagine letting him go through life like that.”

“I did. There was nothing for the doctors to do, and maybe it would have been easier for my mother to give up, but she didn’t. The world’s different now, it’s better and our son might actually have a chance and you’re just willing to not let him have it.”

“Steve, if it doesn’t work-“

“Then at least we can say we tried. That’s all I want and that’s all he wants. He wants us to try.”

“I want to try, Steve believe me I do but if we fail, that’s on us.”

“Tony, I know you’re scared. I’m scared too, but we need to do this together, as a team. He’s counting on us to save him just like the rest of the world counts on us. If you can be a hero for everyone else, then you can be one for your son.”

The tears Tony was desperately trying to hold back can’t be contained any longer and they begin to roll down his face. He wipes them away angrily, not wanting to be the one to break down. Steve was already struggling to keep it together and he had to be the strong one for them both.

He wants to believe what Steve is telling him, but there’s a part of him that still has its doubts. There’s a chance that their son would make it and they would get their happy ending, but then there was the chance of losing him and Tony didn’t want that. He didn’t want to see Steve suffer again.

But he was watching Steve suffer now and it was killing him inside. They needed to come together and figure out what was best for their son. He’d do anything for Steve. He’d do anything for his son.

“Okay,” he says, his mind made up. “Let’s give him that chance.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I should be working on my other stories, but I’ve been getting more ideas for this one so I might just finish this one. But I will try my hardest to get the others updated!

With the decision regarding their son finally made, they’re able to move on and focus on the next step. Preparations need to be made, a nursery for one needs to be constructed, but Tony convinces Steve to hold off on that project a little longer. He doesn’t tell him his reasoning for the postponement.

He still has his fears and his doubts plaguing him every single day. Steve appears optimistic and hopeful, something Tony wishes he was. He tries to be excited for his son’s arrival, but he’s quickly reminded of just how sick his son really is and the small chance they have to keep him alive.

Steve is convinced that chance is going to be enough, but Tony isn’t on the same page as him. He thought he was, but he’s let those dark thoughts control him and convince him that Steve was wrong and their son didn’t stand a chance of living a happy, normal life.

Tony hates himself for thinking that way and he wishes he could have the same positive thinking as Steve. Nothing in his life ever went right, and if it did, it was like some kind of miracle. Becoming Iron Man had been a right, meeting Steve had been another. He thought his son was going to be another positive in his life, but somehow that got screwed up. Life hated him.

He decides he’s going to try to be more like Steve and accept the fact that even though their son was sick, they still had a chance of giving him a fulfilling life. Tony was experienced with taking the negative things in his life and making them positive. He could do that again.

* * *

Tony enters the apartment, not surprised to find the lamp in the living room on. Steve tends to leave one light on for him whenever he’s working late. Tony hates that he’s spending more time in his lab than with Steve, but it’s his place to escape and to think.

He turns the lamp off and quietly makes his way down the hall, not wanting to disturb his sleeping boyfriend. The pregnancy has taken a toll on Steve, super serum or not, he was still prone to exhaustion.

To his surprise he finds Steve awake. He’s sitting in bed, his sketchbook resting over his middle and a pencil in his hand. He peers up from his sketch, smiling softly.

“Hey,” he greets and Tony can’t help but smile back. Steve always knew how to be the light in the darkness.

“Hey,” Tony returns the greeting and steps further into the room. He’s in need of a shower, but he’d rather curl up with Steve. “You’re awake.”

“Yeah.” Steve nods and he removes the sketchbook from his lap, placing it on the nightstand. He pats the spot beside him and Tony comes over. “Feel,” he says and takes Tony’s hand, placing it over his belly.

Tony doesn’t feel it at first, then he gasps when his son pushes back against his palm. Steve is smiling, eyes bright and sparkling.

“He’s kicking,” Steve says, then he winces. “He’s getting bigger.”

Tony lets his eyes roam over Steve’s belly, frowning slightly when he notices the bump hasn’t changed much in size; it’s still smaller than what it’s supposed to be, but he doesn’t remind Steve, figuring his boyfriend is aware. The last thing he wants is for another fight to break out.

Tony hums, letting his hand rub circles over Steve’s belly. “How are you feeling?”

Steve lets out a heavy sigh. “Tired.”

“I mean about-“

“I know what you meant. I’m not going to worry about it. There’s nothing we can do right now.”

Tony wants to argue, to tell Steve that there is still the second option. But to Steve that option doesn’t exist, so he doesn’t push.

His son squirms under his fingertips, and his lips curve into a smile from the feeling. Suddenly that second option doesn’t exist for him either. He wants to meet his son, to watch him grow and thrive. He wants to love him everyday for the rest of his life.

Tony moves down on the bed until he’s eye level with Steve’s growing belly and he gently lifts the hem of Steve’s t-shirt, exposing the smooth skin underneath. He cradles the bump with both hands, feeling every kick and nudge from his son.

“Hey, kiddo,” Tony says softly, pressing his lips to the curve of Steve’s belly. The kicking inside continues. “I can’t wait to meet you. I promise we’re not so bad.”

Steve smiles down at him, fingers threading through dark hair as he listens to Tony talk to their son. He knew Tony would come around.

“He likes your voice,” Steve says when he feels another kick. Tony felt it too and his smile grows wider. He rests his head against the bump, and continues to rub soothing circles over the taut skin of Steve’s belly.

“I’m so sorry,” Tony whispers. His eyes well with tears and he shuts them to prevent any from spilling. His son pushes firmly against him, almost as if he was letting Tony know that he was forgiven.

Tony places another kiss to the bump. “Daddy loves you, kiddo.”

* * *

They start working on the nursery. It was a project Tony previously thought would be a waste of time. The last thing he wanted to do was build their child a room, only for him to never spend a minute in it. But he’s different now, he’s more accepting of their situation and he’s willing to make the best of it. That was all he could do.

Steve appears happier, or if he isn’t, he’s just really great at hiding his true emotions. They don’t talk much about their son’s health issues, not wanting to disturb the peace that they have finally found. But Tony knows they’re going to sit down and have that discussion sooner or later. He just never imagined it would be so soon.

The new scans show barely any improvement. Their son is growing just like Steve had said, but not by much. He’s still smaller than what he’s supposed to be at this stage. Tony doesn’t miss the way hurt flashes across Steve’s face when Strange breaks the terrible news. Steve was the little guy growing up, and now it appeared that their son was heading in the same direction.

Tony is thankful when Strange leaves the room. Steve is clearly bothered by the outcome and Tony’s not sure what angers him more, the fact that their son is still suffering or that Strange hasn’t given them a lick of hope.

“I’ll be right back,” he mutters.

“Tony, don’t. It’s okay.” Steve reaches out to stop him, but Tony gentle shakes him off, making sure to flash him an assuring smile.

“Don’t worry. It will just take a minute. I’ll behave.”

Steve frowns, knowing it’s near impossible for his boyfriend to behave around the Doctor. With a heavy sigh he lets Tony go, hoping that he doesn’t hear an outburst later.

Tony catches Strange before he vanishes through one of his portals. He makes sure to keep his frustration contained, but it proves to be easier said than done.

“Why do you do that?” Tony demands. Despite his best efforts, his anger is seeping through. Strange has picked up on it, one brow raising slightly.

“I’m sorry, what did I do to piss you off this time?”

“It’s what you’re not doing. You-”

“Stark, what are you-”

“Ah, me first,” Tony interrupts and Stephen huffed in annoyance. “It’s like you don’t even care that my son is sick. You have not given us-”

“Hope?” Stephen interjects. “You’re right, I’m not. And I’m sorry if you think I’m an asshole for that, but I’ve given patients hope in the past and it’s always turned out to be false. So excuse me for trying to save you from that.”

“Yeah, well Steve still believes that there’s hope and all you’ve done is crushed it.”

“He needs to understand that the baby may or may not survive these complications. I’m not going to give him false hope, I’m sorry.”

“That’s all we have right now, Doc. Steve-we need him to pull through.”

“I know. Believe me, Stark I want him to pull through just as much as you do.” Stephen reaches out and gently pats Tony across the shoulder.

It’s not enough to ease the ache, but Tony appreciates the gesture. Strange offers him a small smile, then he’s reopening the portal and stepping through.

With a heavy sigh, Tony makes his way back into the room. Steve looks up at him expectantly and when he doesn’t find a change in Tony’s expression, his own falters.

“It’s not looking good, Tony,” Steve sighs sadly and rests a hand over his belly, rubbing small circles in an attempt to calm both his son and himself down.

Tony gives a small nod and steps further into the room, taking the spot on the bed beside Steve. He places his hand over the growing bump, smiling sadly when his son pushes against his palm.

“We gotta tell the team,” he says softly. He notices the way Steve tenses up and he reaches for his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “They need to know.”

“I know. Nat’s gonna take it pretty hard. She’s so excited about this little guy.”

“We all are, but I think if they know, then at least we’ll have more support just in case…” Tony trails off, not wanting to finish that thought and upset Steve even more than he already is.

“Yeah,” Steve agrees. He glances down at his belly, squeezing his eyes shut when tears threaten to fall. His son kicks and squirms, bringing a smile to his father’s saddened face. “You’re gonna be okay,” Steve tells his son, chuckling softly when he receives a kick in response.

“Come on.” Tony rises to his feet and offers an outstretched hand for Steve to take. “We can tell them now.”

* * *

Most of the team is already gathered in the common room when Tony and Steve come up the stairs. Natasha is curled up with Bruce on one of the sofas and Sam and Bucky are chatting in the kitchen. There’s no sign of Wanda and Vision, but it’s not surprising. More often than not, the two are always together whenever they get the day off. Tony makes a mental note to inform them later.

Natasha has noticed them first and her eyes immediately land on Steve’s protruding middle, smiling brightly at the sight. She calls him over, wanting to feel her nephew, but she’s left frowning when he doesn’t move.

“He must be asleep,” Natasha sighs and she gives Steve’s belly a rub. “You look exhausted, Rogers.”

Steve puts on a fake smile. “Just dealing with a lot.”

Bruce senses the distress and his brows draw together in a frown. “Everything okay? You were with Strange today, right?”

Natasha’s face lights up. “Do you have new pictures?”

Steve opens his mouth to answer, but Tony cuts him off. “Actually, we have something to tell you.”

Those words and the way Tony says them captures everyone’s attention and the room falls silent. Bucky and Sam exchange a nervous glance before finding a seat.

Steve’s stomach twists uncomfortably at the thought of having to break the news to his friends. He rubs a hand absentmindedly over his belly, and it isn’t until he hears the soft call of his name from Natasha does he glance up to meet her eyes.

“Steve, what’s going on?” She asks, worry evident in her tone.

“Cap,” Tony takes Steve’s hand when his boyfriend doesn’t answer the question. “Sit down. You need to take it easy.”

Steve wants to protest, but he knows that Tony’s right and the last thing he or his baby needs is for him to stress out over something he has no control over. He allows Tony to lead him over to one of the empty sofas and he sits, a deep breath leaving his lips as he prepares for the conversation he doesn’t want to have.

But he can’t bring himself to do it. Tony is quick to notice and he steps in when it’s obvious Steve can’t.

He takes Steve’s hand in his own, squeezing it gently.Then he addresses his friends, “There’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just gonna come out and say it. The baby’s not doing too good.”

He waits to continue when a chorus of gasps breaks out among the small group. Steve’s squeezing his hand a little tighter this time and Tony doesn’t miss the way his blue eyes shine with tears.

“Tony, what’s wrong?” Bruce asks, “I thought everything was okay.”

“We did too. Turns out he’s...he’s-“

“He’s sick,” Steve finally says and all eyes fall on him. “I thought the illnesses I grew up with would have no effect on him since I got the serum, but it didn’t work out that way.”

“But this isn’t the twenties and thirties,” Sam says, “medicine has come a long way since then.”

“I know. We just wanted to let you guys know what was going on. He has a chance-“

“But just in case he doesn’t make it we wanted to inform everyone,” Tony interrupts. He can feel Steve’s eyes on him, but he’s too afraid to meet his gaze, knowing that his words had deeply affected him.

“He’s going to be okay, Steve,” Natasha says, offering a reassuring smile. She sends Tony a disapproving look and Tony knows he’s going to receive a lecture later.

The conversation shifts and Tony is thankful that his friends don’t bombard them with questions he and Steve don’t know how to answer.

Natasha is still staring and when Tony can’t take it anymore, he excuses himself to the small kitchen to make a cup of coffee. Sam and Bucky have no problem taking his spot once he leaves. Tony doesn’t mind, knowing Steve needs his friends.

Disappearing to the kitchen isn’t enough to shake Natasha and she follows. He knows what she wants to talk about, but he doesn’t give her the chance.

“Coffee?” He makes a gesture toward the pot he has finished brewing. When she doesn’t reply, he rolls his eyes. “Of course not. You’re here to yell at me, right?”

“I’m not going to yell,” Natasha says calmly. Tony doesn’t trust her tone. “I’d like to punch you, though.”

“I knew you were mad at me. What did I do?”

“Tony, you can’t just say things like that. Steve’s-“

“I’m not having this conversation with you. This is just between Steve and I, and last time I checked, you’re not him.”

Natasha frowns, but she’s persistent and shows no signs of backing down. “He’s my friend and that’s my nephew. All I’m saying is be a little more sensitive to his feelings. That’s possible with you, right?”

Tony scoffs and pours himself a cup of coffee. “I am being sensitive, Romanoff. He knows the risks and I’m just-“

“Reminding him. Tony, I know you’re scared-“

“I’m not scared. I’m fucking terrified. My son is probably dying and I’m…” Tony huffs and takes a sip from his mug, ignoring the way the hot liquid burned his tongue. Natasha reaches out and rubs her hand over his shoulder.

“It’s gonna be okay. If that kid is anything like you and Steve, then you and I both know this isn’t going to be enough to stop him. He’s gonna be fine.”

Tony sighs, wanting to believe what Natasha was saying. He wants to believe that his son was miraculously going to fight this. But every day is a struggle.

He sighs, “I hope you’re right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well Tony still has his doubts. He’s just scared 😔. I will update when I can! They’re meeting their son soon!!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I promised myself I wasn't going to post anything because I'm on a little vacation, but it gets kind of boring at the hotel and decided to just go ahead and upload the next chapter. I wish I could say this next chapter was happy...but yeah. There is some fluff though!

Steve keeps his eyes on the screen, only letting them dart in the direction of the doctor whenever Stephen shifts in his seat. He can’t read the man’s face and the images on the screen don’t give an indication either. It’s frustrating.

The screen shifts back to its original image; his son’s profile comes into view and Steve can’t help but smile at the sight. His eyes roam over the picture, starting from his son’s head all the way down to his tiny toes. The flutter in the middle isn’t very fast and that puts a damp in Steve’s mood.

There’s still time left for his son’s health to improve, but that inner voice is negative, reminding him that he’s running out of it. Steve tries to tune it out, not wanting to give in and listen to what it’s trying to tell him. He’s not giving up.

It’s a shame Tony has.

He hasn’t come out and said it, but Steve knows that’s how his boyfriend is feeling. Something inside him changed and Steve would give anything to have Tony change his mindset. They had both accepted their situation and decided to push through, but now Steve felt alone. He was the only one ready to fight for his son.

His teammates were supportive and he’s thankful he still has them. Bruce shows hints of taking Tony’s side; Steve was expecting that. They were men of science, not miracles. The difference was Bruce knows how to keep his opinions to himself and show sympathy when it was needed. Tony justs shut him out.

Natasha has been a friend for as long as Steve could remember, and even now she continues to give Steve all of her love and support. She wants his little boy to pull through just as much as he does. He decides she’s going to be his unborn child's godmother.

Sam and Bucky are going to be the greatest uncles in the world. They’ve already spoiled their nephew and he hasn’t even arrived yet. The nursery is starting to fill with their gifts, making the space more homey for his son.

Stephen clears his throat, startling Steve from his thoughts and he glances over in the doctor’s direction, meeting his gaze. The look on his face says more than words ever could.

“Nothing’s changed...has it?” Steve’s afraid to know the answer to his question.

Stephen sighs sadly. “I’m sorry, Rogers. His size has shown some improvement, but I’m more concerned about his heart and lungs.”

“This is my fault.”

“No,” Stephen shakes his head, “You’re doing everything right it’s just-"

“Doctor, I’m sure you’ve read over my file. I had the same health issues,” Steve says, his tone showing hints of frustration. He tries to keep himself calm, but it’s easier said than done. He’s the reason his son is sick.

“Rogers, don’t blame yourself. You’re just adding unnecessary stress to both yourself and the baby. There have been plenty of babies that have survived these complications."

“But my son’s not one of them. That’s what you’re trying to say, right? I know that’s what Tony believes and now you’re telling me the same thing.”

“I’m trying to prepare you for that outcome. You need to understand the risks-"

“I do, Strange. I do understand the risks. I’ve had this talk before with other doctors. They told me I wasn’t going to survive, told me I shouldn’t even bother enlisting in the army. But I didn’t give up.”

Stephen sighs. “You’re stubborn, that’s what you are and I hope your son turns out the same way.”

Steve can’t help but smile. “I do too.”

* * *

Tony still isn’t home when Steve returns back to their apartment. The meeting must be running over and Steve wishes Tony never went in the first place. He’d gone to appointments alone before, but being alone for this one had been too hard. He wanted Tony by his side when Strange gave them more bad news.

Steve pushes his most recent appointment out of his mind, not wanting to bring himself or his son anymore stress. The small kicks his son produces brings a smile to Steve’s face, reminding him that he’s not alone.

He spends the rest of the day in the nursery, trying to finish the project before his son arrives. The room is slowly coming together and Steve is confident enough that it would be ready in time for his son.

Steve lowers himself in the rocking chair, a yawn escaping him when the exhaustion begins to set in. His son is quieting down, his kicks and nudges not as strong. Steve caresses his belly, letting the gentle movements of his son calm him.

“Hey,” Tony’s voice cuts through the silence and Steve’s eyes shot open. He directs his gaze on his boyfriend, then they’re traveling down to the blue gift bag in his hand. “I knew I’d find you here.”

“I like this room. I think he’ll like it too.” Steve smiles, letting his eyes roam over the room as he imagines spending time with this son. He sets his eyes back on Tony. “How’d the meeting go?”

Tony gives a small shrug and steps into the room. “Boring. All I could think about was my two favorite people.”

“We missed you too. We saw Strange today.”

Tony groans. “That was today, wasn’t it? Dammit I’m sorry, Cap.”

“It’s okay. You didn’t miss much.” Steve can’t keep the sadness out of his tone and Tony immediately picks up on it. He frowns and reaches for Steve’s hand.

“Cap...it’s okay.”

“It’s not. It’s not okay. I keep trying to convince myself that he’s going to be strong and fight this but…”

“I know,” Tony sighs and he gets down on one knee, taking Steve’s hand in his own again. “I know and I’m sorry I’m not helping. I want him to be okay, more than anything, but I’m so scared it’s not gonna turn out that way.”

“We can’t give up on him. I know I’ve said it a thousand times but that’s all we can do right now.”

“I’m still looking for a doctor. And if the kid needs surgery after surgery…” Tony trails off. He’s not thrilled with the idea of his son having to go through multiple surgeries for the rest of his life. He doesn’t want that for him.

Steve sighs. He didn’t get the options of surgery to fix his health conditions, but now in this new world it was available for his son. He’d give anything to keep his son alive and healthy, but the fear of something going wrong during one of those surgeries is too much.

He doesn’t want to think too much about the future and what it holds, not when he needs to be living in the now.

His eyes are back on the bag, his curiosity piqued. “What do you have there?” He asks and Tony glances down at the bag in question, lifting it up for Steve to see.

“Just a little something for the baby...and you.” Tony smiles and places the bag in Steve’s lap. “Open it,” he says when Steve appears a little unsure.

Steve carefully takes the bag into his hands. He keeps his eyes on Tony as he reaches inside, raising one brow when Tony’s smile grows brighter. His fingers move past the tissue inside and then they’re brushing against something soft. Steve pulls a plush gray and blue blanket from out of the bag, chuckling softly when he notices the familiar image of his shield decorating the blanket.

“I take it he’s more of a Captain America fan than Iron Man?” Steve jokes and Tony gives a small shrug in response.

“Nah, he loves me too. I just figured this kid is so much like you already-not because he’s sick but because he’s so strong and he keeps fighting, never giving up.”

Steve smiles. “Thank you, Tony. He’s going to love it.”

“There’s more, Cap. I did say this gift was for both of you. Open it up.”

Steve frowns in confusion and slowly peels the blanket open, his eyes immediately catching the blue letters printed on the bottom. He gasps and glances up, meeting Tony’s smiling face.

“Joseph? Tony that was my-”

“Your dad, yeah. I figured if he’s already showing more signs of becoming a Rogers than a Stark, might as well name him after one. And I know you never met your dad, but I figured it would be nice to name our son after him. Your father was brave too.”

“Yeah.” Steve glances down at the blanket, tracing along the familiar name. “Mom would tell me stories about him.” He smiles as he remembers sitting with his mother, curled up in her arms as she told him everything he wanted to know about his father.

“So do you like it? Is this okay? I know we never talked much about names but-”

“Tony.” Steve reaches out to take his boyfriends’ hand, “it’s perfect. Thank you.”

“I don’t have a middle name yet, but we can worry about that later,” Tony says and he reaches out to place his hands over Steve’s belly, frowning slightly when he doesn’t feel a kick.

“He’s asleep,” Steve tells him. “We had a long day.”

“I can tell.” Tony’s eyes drift around the room. “It’s almost done. You didn’t have to do it. I told you I would take care of it.”

“I wanted to. It’s a nice distraction.”

Tony nods and leans forward to rest his head over the bump. “Hey, Joseph,” he says softly, smiling when the name rolls off his tongue. Now that his son has a name, he feels closer to him somehow and it makes him excited for his arrival. For a moment he’s able to forget about the struggle their son is going through.

“Tony, he’s-”

“I know. I just wanted to talk to him. I’ve been gone all day and...a little distant. I’m sorry, Steve. You probably hate me, huh?”

“No, but I would like you to stop working so late. And…” Steve pauses, tucking his bottom lip between his teeth. Tony is staring up at him now. He continues, “I can’t make you be more positive about our situation, but I feel alone during all this and I just..I need…”

“I know. I’m sorry. I’m trying, Cap. God, I don’t know how you do it. I wish I could be as optimistic as you.” Tony sighs and rests his head back against the growing bump.”

“I’m far from it, Tony. But I’m trying.”

“Me too.” Tony rubs his hand over Steve’s belly gently, smiling when he feels a soft nudge against his palm. “Someone’s awake.”

“He missed you.” Steve smiles down at his boyfriend, gently threading his fingers through the soft, dark hair.

“I missed him, too.” Tony leans forward to press his lips against the spot where his son was moving. “Almost there, kiddo.”

There’s a rush of excitement flooding through Steve when he hears those words. Their son would be joining them soon and they would be a family. He doesn’t focus on the appointment or what Strange had told him. All he can think about is meeting his son and how much brighter his life was going to be because Joseph was in it.

* * *

A deep sleeper was the last thing Tony would use to describe his sleeping habits. Most of the time he never slept, too engrossed in his projects downstairs that sometimes the basic need slipped his mind.

He hasn’t been in the lab in weeks, fulfilling his promise to Steve and keeping his time there down to a minimum. His sleeping habits have improved since he started spending more time in bed with Steve, but there were some nights when he would be startled awake.

This was one of those nights.

The first thing he notices when he wakes up is that Steve isn’t in bed with him, and it’s then he realizes that’s what woke him up in the first place. The warmth that radiates from his boyfriend is gone, leaving Tony cold and unable to fall back to sleep.

With a heavy sigh he rolls over, eyes falling shut. “Friday, what time is it?”

“It’s one-thirty A.M., boss.” The A.I. informs.

Tony’s brows furrow and he opens his eyes. He doesn’t bother asking where Steve is, knowing exactly where to find him.

The door to the nursery is slightly ajar, a soft glow from the lamp seeping into the darkened hallway. Tony slowly pushes the door open, eyes squeezing shut from the bright room. It only takes a couple seconds for his eyes to adjust to the brightness, then he’s stepping into the room, his attention drawn to his boyfriend.

Steve is sitting in the rocking chair, gently moving back and forth with one hand splayed over his belly. Tony’s used to finding him in here late at night, but there was something different about tonight.

“Cap?” Tony asks, voice low and groggy. A small groan leaves Steve’s lips and Tony’s instantly awake. He rushes to his boyfriends’ side. “Steve, what’s wrong?”

Steve groans again, eyes screwed shut and his free hand grips the arm of the chair tightly. “I’m having contractions,” he finally replies.

“Wait, are you sure? Isn’t it a little early?” Tony is panicking. They still had at least twelve weeks before their son was expected to enter the world. He was struggling enough as it was to survive and being born early terrified Tony.

“Yeah,” Steve pants. The contraction has loosened its grip on him. He keeps one hand over his belly, rubbing it soothingly to calm his squirming son. “I thought they were false, but they’re getting stronger.”

“Okay, just breathe. I can call Strange and get a team of doctors ready. If anyone can stop this he can.”

Steve tenses up and Tony knows another contraction is building. He offers Steve his hand, letting him squeeze it when he needs to. Steve groans, the grip he has on Tony’s hand tightening when the contraction peaks.

“Tony, Tony, Tony,” he chants. His eyes clenched shut and cries of pain slip past his lips.

“I know, Cap. Just breathe. It’s gonna be okay,” Tony assures, ignoring the way his hand throbs under Steve’s firm grip.

“Tony, get Strange. I’m not having this baby now.”

“You’re not, I promise. You both are gonna be okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well their baby has a name and Tony is slowly coming around. I'm sorry about the cliffhanger! I will try and get it posted soon!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Steve meet their son.

The contractions don’t stop. Strange is doing everything in his power to control them, but his attempts prove fruitless. Tony, just like Steve, has put whatever bit of faith he has into the Doctor. Steve has put more, but Tony’s not like him. He’s doing his best to be more positive and have that same blind faith Steve has, but it’s easier said than done.

It’s hard to be optimistic when lately it seems like everything has been going wrong for them. For once Tony just wanted something good to happen. The one good thing he had was Steve and his son, but now it seemed like he was only going to have one of them.

He quickly rids his mind of those negative thoughts. Positive, he has to remain positive. That’s all he can do.

Steve is crying out again, no doubt from another contraction and Tony sets his attention on him. He keeps a hand over Steve’s shoulder, rubbing the spot soothingly and whispering comforting words in his ear. He does this until the contraction begins to fade and Steve relaxes.

“Better?” He asks. The only response he gets is a nod from Steve. It’s better than nothing. Gently, he threads his fingers through damp, blond hair, trying to comfort his laboring boyfriend the only way he knows how. He’d give anything to switch places with him, but instead he’s forced to settle for this.

Steve stares up at him with pain-filled eyes, but there’s something else there. Fear. Tony gets it, he’s terrified too, but he has to be strong.

“It’s okay,” he assures, offering a small smile. That inner voice mocks him and is quick to remind him that nothing is okay, that his son isn’t strong enough. Tony doesn’t want to listen.

With a grunt Steve pushes himself into a sitting position, swatting Tony’s hand away when he tries to intervene. “I need to get up,” he says, ignoring the frown that appears over Tony’s face.

“Cap, you need to take it easy. If this is it-”

“It’s not!” Steve snaps. He feels guilty about the outburst the moment he catches the hurt expression on Tony’s face. “I’m sorry. I’m just...worried.”

Worried was an understatement, he was absolutely terrified. This was all wrong. His son was not supposed to be coming now; he still had weeks to build up his strength. But once again, life was unfair.

“I know. I am too, but we have Strange and-”

“Is that enough?”

The question catches Tony off guard. For months Steve had been putting everything he had into the Doctor’s hands. He was relying on faith and now to hear him question everything he believed in was startling.

Tony sighs softly. “I don’t know,” he answers honestly. “But you convinced me it was so we have to try, right?”

“Yeah,” Steve says with a nod of his head. “We have to try.”

“Do you still want to get up?”

Steve nods again and this time he allows Tony to help him off the bed. He groans, more so from the pain brought on from being on his back for too long. He rubs at the aching spot. “Everything hurts,” he groans again, adding more pressure to his lower back.

“You can try the chair,” Tony suggests, gesturing toward the armchair in the corner of the room. Steve shakes his head at the idea. “You’re so stubborn, Rogers.”

“So I’ve been told. Dammit!” Steve curses and clutches his middle when another contraction begins to build. He grits his teeth and breathes through it, but the breathing techniques do little to ease the agonizing pain.

He cries out again, this time doubling over when the contraction intensifies. The pressure is unbearable and he does everything he can to battle through it, but the pain is getting worse. Tony is there beside him, offering encouraging words, but it’s not enough.

“Just breathe, Steve,” Tony coaches, one hand rubbing up and down Steve’s firm back. The grip Steve has on his shoulders tightens and Tony has to bite back his own cries of pain. He forces himself to ignore the ache in his shoulder and focus on Steve.

“Tony!” Steve’s cries escalate in volume and he lurches forward, burying his face in the crook of Tony’s neck and fingers twisting the front of Tony’s shirt. He rocks his hips from side to side, groans slipping past his lips when the contraction refuses to let up.

The soft click of the door cuts through his painful cries and he turns his head towards the door, eyes locking with familiar blue ones. Stephen steps into the room, quietly closing the door behind him.

“Another one?” he asks and when Steve nods, he sighed harshly. “Rogers-”

“No,” Steve interjects, knowing what the Doctor is going to say. “You have to stop this. You said you could.”

“Believe me, I’m trying, but your body is fighting the medication.”

“I can’t have this baby now, Strange. He’s not ready yet.”

“Rogers, I understand that but-”

“Then do something,” Steve orders. He doesn’t get a chance to apologize. The contractions are starting up again, taking away his ability to speak. The pressure continues to build and he grips Tony harder, this time provoking a painful yelp from his boyfriend. He ignores Tony’s discomfort and focuses on getting through the contraction.

A surprised gasp escapes him when he feels something burst and he glances down, catching sight of the wet trails along his legs. Stephen has come closer to inspect and Steve glances up to meet his eyes, the look on his face lets Steve know that he’s out of time.

* * *

Growing up, Steve hated doctors. They made him feel uncomfortable and they always had something negative to say regarding his health. His mother was always there to remind him that despite what they said, he was strong and able to conquer anything. Those words still echo in his mind, and for a split second he’s able to just focus on them.

But then he makes the mistake of glancing around the room and his mother’s comforting words aren’t enough anymore. He wishes she was here with him, holding him like she used to when the doctor’s would poke and prod, but he’s left to do this without her.

The room is crowded, filled with faces Steve doesn’t recognize. He can pinpoint the two that he does know, and it proves to be enough. Tony is by his side, holding his hand and whispering comforting words as he struggles to bring their son into the world. He wants to hold off, his son isn’t ready, but his body has other ideas and he’s forced to give in to what it wants.

He’s aware of Strange between his legs, instructing him to keep going, but all he can focus on is the exhaustion and pain. There’s a burning sensation, followed by a stretch and Steve can’t hold back the scream that rips through his throat. Tony’s words are in his ears again and this time Steve is able to listen to them.

“You’re doing so good, Cap. Just keep going.”

“Hurts,” Steve grunts and he bears down, harder this time. He just wants the pain to end and there’s only one way to make it go away.

“I know.” Tony presses his lips against Steve’s temple. “You’re almost done.”

The contraction ends and Steve slumps back, heavy pants leaving his lips. His break is cut short when another contraction begins to build, and with a huff he leans forward and pushes as hard as he can. His efforts pay off and with another strong push and a hoarse yell, his son is sliding into Stephen’s arms.

Steve collapses back, body worn out from the strain brought on by the labor. The room is silent, the only sound that can be heard is that of his heavy breathing and the beeping of the machine he’s connected to. There should be another sound.

His eyes shoot open when it dawns on him that the missing sound is his son’s first cry. With an energy he miraculously finds, he pushes himself up and is greeted with the sight of his son cradled in the Doctor’s arms. His lips curve into a smile, only to falter when his son refuses to cry.

“Strange…” Steve pauses when he catches the defeated look on the Doctor’s face. He can’t look anymore and he sets his gaze back on his son, hopeful that he will fight.

Finally, a soft gurgle fills the quiet space, escalating into the cry Steve was waiting for. It’s not loud due to his weak lungs, but it’s enough.

Steve reaches out for him, only to be denied when Strange passes the newborn to one of the other doctors in the room. He gets a small glimpse of his son being examined by a team of doctors and nurses, then the vision is lost when they crowd around his son. He wants to rush over and shove them away like his mother used to do when his doctors made him uncomfortable, but he’s left to watch helplessly as they poke and prod his son like they did to him.

“He’s okay,” Tony whispers in his ear, but Steve can’t bring himself to believe those words. His son needed him.

“He needs me.” Steve cranes his neck to grab another peek of his son. He’s growing impatient, wishing they would just give him his son back. He ignores the throbbing in his middle, his attention only for his son.

He can hear Joseph’s cries rising, the sound painful and Steve can’t take it anymore. He tries to get up, only to lie back when Stephen’s firm tone reaches his ears.

“You need to take it easy, Rogers. You’re not finished yet.”

With a huff, Steve obeys and lets Strange work between his legs. He keeps his eyes on the ceiling, listening closely to his son’s cries. It hurts not being able to comfort him.

It’s not just his son’s cries that his sensitive ears pick up on, he can hear one of the doctors talking about his son’s health. Their words make Steve’s blood boil. They were being negative, just like the doctors he had when he was younger.

He knew his son was hanging on, but being negative about his health wasn’t going to help the situation. His mother never showed a hint of negativity when he was growing up and he was going to be the same.

Strange finishes up between his legs and Steve is able to sit up. His body protests, demanding he lie back and rest, but he’s stubborn and wants to see his son. The loud cries his son was producing die down until they’re nothing more than soft whimpers, but Steve is thankful that he was still alive. He was still fighting.

“Steve,” Tony starts and he reaches for his boyfriends’ hand when Steve doesn’t look at him. “Cap, look at me.”

Steve finally does, but it’s a struggle. All he wants to do is look at his son.

“Whatever happens-”

“No,” Steve shakes his head. “Don’t. He’s going to be okay.”

“Steve, whatever happens, I’m here. We can do this.”

“Together. We can together.”

“Yeah,” Tony nods and leans in to press a kiss to the top of Steve’s head. “Together.”

* * *

The moment Joseph is placed in his arms, Steve’s world is brighter. He notices how small and frail his son looks, but in this very moment he doesn’t let it bother him. All he cares about is comforting him and showering him with love.

Tony gently places the blanket he had made over his son’s small form, smiling softly at the sight. Joseph was definitely a Rogers, from the blond hair on the top of his head down to his stubborn attitude. He was perfect.

“He looks so much like you,” Tony says, eyes fixated on his son’s beautiful face. He can see a little bit of himself in his son’s tiny features, but he mostly resembles Steve. Tony doesn’t complain; he wanted their son to be like Steve.

Steve hums and carefully adjusts the blanket around his son, knowing that he needs to be extremely gentle with his son’s frail body. He quietly shushes him when he cries from the sudden movement. “I know, I know. It’s okay. I promise everything is going to be okay,” he tells his son.

Tony sighs sadly. He wants to believe those words more than anything, but deep down he knows that they don’t have much time. He can still picture the look of defeat on Strange’s face when he finally allowed Steve to hold their son, and Tony just knew that they weren’t going to take their son home.

Steve hadn’t noticed, or if he did he was doing a good job at ignoring it. All of his focus had been on their son and Tony doesn’t want to take that away from him. He forces the negative thoughts out of his head and gives all of his attention to his son.

“He’s so beautiful,” Tony smiles sadly, blinking back the tears that threatened to fall. He reminds himself to be strong, no matter how bad he wanted to give into his emotions.

“Yeah,” Steve agrees. His smile is brighter than Tony’s, but he’s in too much awe to notice. All he sees is his son and how perfect he is. He leans down to press a soft kiss to the top of his son’s head, chuckling when Joseph squirms from the touch.

Steve never thought he could love something this much. Now he knows how his mother must have felt when she held him for the first time. It was an incredible feeling. He never wanted to let his son go.

“We don’t have a middle name,” Tony says, frowning slightly. It had slipped their minds, the last few weeks had been difficult, but now they were able to think of something. They needed to before time runs out.

“I think we should name him after your father,” Steve suggests. Tony tenses beside him and Steve frees one hand to rest it over his thigh. “I know how he was, but...naming him after both of our fathers would be a nice gesture.”

“Joseph Howard Stark-Rogers,” Tony tests out the name and he shakes his head. “This kid’s gonna hate us.”

Steve chuckles and runs a finger along the side of his son’s face, smile widening when Joseph reaches out for him. He offers that same finger and gasps when Joseph grips onto him. “He’s squeezing my finger,” Steve says and he glances up at Tony, his smile brighter than ever and eyes full of hope. He peers back down at his son and kisses him again. “I love you so much.”

Tony reaches out for his son, wanting to feel the small fingers wrapped around him. Steve slips his own free so that Tony can replace his. Joseph takes Tony’s finger in his small hand, squeezing it gently. His eyes open, resembling a familiar shade of blue.

“Hey, kiddo,” Tony smiles down at his son. “Daddy loves you very much. You mean everything to me.”

Joseph squeezes harder and Tony’s smile widens. For a moment he thinks that maybe there is a chance of their son surviving, but that moment is cut short when he catches the way his son’s eyes flutter closed and his chest stills.

The grip his son has on him loosens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I'm so sorry! I feel so bad for them, but I swear things will get better. But not right away unfortunately. I will try and update as fast as I can!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I busted out the next chapter faster than I thought and decided to post it. Thank you guys for the wonderful feedback!! I love you all so much!

The cries of agony that escape Steve are painful to witness. Tony is there to hold him, pulling his thrashing body close in an attempt to calm him. But his efforts fail; he can’t contain a super soldier, let alone a grieving one.

He tries again, this time using more force to keep Steve still and finally Steve gives in, burying his face into Tony’s chest as the sobs wrack through him. Tony holds him tight, eyes flickering up briefly to catch a glimpse of one of the nurses taking their son away. He squeezes his eyes shut, not wanting to see the small lifeless form that just moments before was squeezing his finger.

Despite Tony’s efforts, he can’t keep the sight of their son from him, and Steve is quick to notice, turning in Tony’s arms to get a better look. Steve calls out for their son, begging the nurse to give him back, but she was given orders and his pleas go ignored.

Tony shushes Steve quietly, fingers gently threading through blond hair. He holds him tight, one hand cradling his head and placing it back on his chest. Steve twists the front of his shirt, screams of pain tearing through him.

It’s hard to see Steve like this. Just moments before he had been hopeful, relying on his faith that their son was going to come through. And now he was broken, that hope and faith he once had gone.

It’s not fair.

Tony’s own eyes burned with tears, but he forces them back, knowing he has to be the strong one. Steve is a mess and it’s up to Tony to keep him comfortable, to remind him that though it hurts right now, it will get better.

But that’s easier said than done. Tony knows what it’s like to feel pain, to lose someone that meant everything to him. The pain from losing his parents never fully went away, but somehow this was different. The loss of his son hurt a thousand times more than losing his parents.

If anyone’s to blame for the devastating loss, Tony would surely take it. He had been negative from the start, not believing that his son stood a chance. He knows he is being punished, karma rearing its ugly head, reminding him that it had always been there, waiting for the right time. He would rather he lost his suit, his title as Iron Man, his money; anything but his son.

“I’m sorry,” Steve sobs, body shaking from the force of his cries. He keeps his face buried in Tony’s shirt, but Tony can still make out his apology. “It’s...It’s my fault. Tony, it’s my fault.”

Tony doesn’t say a word. He is willing to take the blame for their loss, but that voice is back, nudging him to let Steve take the blame. Maybe it was Steve’s fault; he was the one who passed down the health problems that his son couldn’t beat. Their son would have been fine if it wasn’t for Steve’s past issues.

Tony is quick to silence that voice. It wasn’t Steve’s fault.

“Stop,” Tony shushes him again, “don’t blame yourself. It was me.”

Steve shakes his head and pulls away, revealing his tear-streaked face and red, puffy eyes. “Tony, I did this. I-” A choked sob escapes him and Tony quickly pulls him back into his arms.

“Steve, you didn’t.”

“He’s going to be okay, right? He has to be.”

Tony remains silent. He needs to be positive, but he honestly doesn’t think he can do it. He remembers how frail and sick his son looked, how he struggled to get air into his tiny lungs. It would be a miracle if he pulled through.

“Yeah,” he finally says, deciding to say what Steve needs to hear. “He’s going to be okay.”

Tony doesn’t know how long they’ve stayed like this, wrapped in each others arms with tears running down their faces. Tony’s given up holding his tears back, letting them fall freely from his eyes. Steve doesn’t notice; he hasn’t stopped crying since they realized their son’s weak heart had stopped beating.

It’s not until he hears the door, followed by soft footsteps does Steve pull away, settling his tear-filled gaze on the familiar form. Strange waits for permission to enter and when Tony shoots him a quick nod, he steps further into the room.

“We tried everything, but…” Strange pauses and Tony notices how shiny his eyes look. He sighed sadly and continues, “I’m very sorry.”

“No,” Steve shakes his head, fresh tears spilling from his eyes. “No, you...you said-”

“Rogers, I’m sorry. I swear we did everything.”

“If you did then he would still be alive.”

“Steve,” Tony quickly steps in, not wanting a fight to break out. Now was not the time or place. He shoots the Doctor a look, pleading for him to leave.

“I’ll bring him in so you can say your goodbyes,” Strange says, then he excuses himself from the room.

The quiet room is once again filled with the sounds of anguish. Tony does his best to comfort his hurting boyfriend, but it’s not enough. He gives up and lets Steve grieve for their son. It’s difficult to listen to Steve scream; the painful sounds bring tears to his own eyes.

“I’m sorry. Tony, I’m so sorry. It's my fault,” Steve sobs.

“It’s not, Steve. It’s not. He just...he couldn’t handle it.”

“We could’ve done more. He needed us and...and we failed him.”

“It’s okay,” Tony soothes. He knows it’s far from it, but he doesn’t know what else to say. He could keep telling Steve that he isn’t to blame, that there was nothing else they could have done, but he chooses to say nothing, knowing that no matter what he said, it wouldn’t be enough.

When Strange returns a second time, Steve is calmer. Tony’s not sure if it’s from his efforts or Steve wore himself out. He keeps Steve in his arms, only freeing him when Strange moves closer, a small bundle in his arms.

Steve turns to adjust himself and he opens his arms, smiling sadly when his son is placed in them. The gift Tony gave him is still wrapped around his tiny form, and Steve never wants to remove it.

Joseph is still, eyes shut and a peaceful look on his face. For a moment Steve think he’s just asleep. He gently traces his finger along the side of his son’s cheek, the soft skin still warm to the touch.

“Hi, baby,” Steve smiles softly, eyes shiny with tears. “I love you so much.”

The bed shifts when Tony moves closer, wanting to get one last look at his son before he’s taken from them again. Tony reaches out, gently taking his son’s tiny hand in his own, remembering the way it felt when Joseph squeezed his finger. He would give anything to feel that again.

“He’s okay now, Steve. He’s not suffering,” Tony says, hoping the words would comfort his hurting boyfriend.

“I did this. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Tears are flowing from Steve’s eyes again, landing on the blanket and creating dark spots. Steve frees one hand to wipe them away, not wanting to taint his son’s blanket.

“You didn’t do anything.” Tony wraps an arm around Steve’s shoulders and pulls him close, lips brushing against his temple. “Don’t blame yourself.”

“I’m sorry,” Steve says again, this time the apology is for his son. He leans down to press his lips to the top of his son’s head. He lets them linger over the soft hair, knowing he’s not going to get another chance. He pulls back, studying ever detail of Joseph’s face so that it can be burned into his memory forever.

He never wants to let his son go, but he knows Tony needs to say his goodbyes, and he gently places their son in Tony’s arms.

Joseph is so little, his body fitting perfectly in the crook of Tony’s arm. Tony’s never held a baby before, let alone one this small, but once his son is cradled in his arms, he knows exactly what to do. Steve leans in to help adjust the blanket, then he’s backing off to give them some space.

“Hey, squirt,” Tony says, quietly. He remembers the moment his son opened his eyes and they shared a glance; he wishes for that again. “I hope you know how much we love you. I didn’t think it was possible to love something so much, but you changed that.”

He can’t keep the tears from falling and he allows them to escape, creating wet trails down his face. Tony brings his son close, a small sob escaping him when it finally hits him that their baby was gone.

He wishes he could have done more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if this made anyone cry. I promise things will get better for these two. That Peter tag isn't there for nothing!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the next chapter as promised!

It was supposed to be a nice day; warm and sunny, but they weren’t even given that. Instead the sky is a dark gray, clouds gathering overhead and thunder rumbling in the distance. There’s a slight chill in the air, the cool breeze sending shivers through him. Even his expensive suit doesn’t offer any warmth.

Tony peers up when the sky rumbles, drops of rain falling on his face. His sunglasses help keep the water out of his eyes, the droplets rolling down the lenses and onto the front of his suit jacket. He doesn’t risk removing the glasses from his face, needing them to not only protect him from the rain, but to keep his tears hidden.

He glances toward his right, finding Steve standing near him, but yet so far away. His own suit is a mess; the rain has started to fall heavily, drenching the black material. He notices the hurt expression on Steve’s face, the way his eyes well with tears and roll down his cheeks, mixing with the drops of the cold rain.

It’s painful to watch Steve suffering alone, and Tony wants to reach out and pull him close as he’s done in the past, but he keeps his distance, knowing if Steve wants it, he will initiate the contact.

Tony forces himself to look away, eyes settling on the small group of people that he’s lucky enough to call family. Natasha is curled under an umbrella with Bruce, their eyes both sad, but it’s only Natasha’s that are leaking. She took the news the hardest; being an aunt was something she was looking forward to.

Shifting his gaze, he finds Wilson and Barnes; the two uncles that were supposed to spoil their nephew rotten. Tony has never seen them cry before, but Barnes looks close to it; his stormy eyes shiny. Tony wonders if he’s sad for his best friend or because he lost the nephew he never got the chance to meet. Maybe it’s both.

Tony catches the sorrow-filled faces of his two best friends. He wants to stand with Rhodey and Pepper, but his place is beside Steve. He just wishes Steve would let him in.

He can’t stand not being near Steve and he moves closer, his hand gently brushing against Steve’s. Steve jolts from the brief contact, but doesn’t make a move of taking Tony’s hand.

It’s not until the small, blue coffin is being lowered into the ground does Steve finally allow Tony to touch him. He grips Tony’s hand tight, shaky sobs escaping him when the coffin disappears from view. Tony pulls Steve close, feeling his body trembling against his own.

The rain is coming down harder now, but Tony doesn’t care. He’ll stay as long as Steve needs him to.

* * *

Steve disappears to the bedroom the moment they step foot into their apartment. Tony gets it, he’d want to be left alone too, but they promised they would get through this together. That promise hasn’t been kept.

There’s tension between them, and Tony doesn’t understand how it came to this. He gave Steve his space when they first came home after losing their son, but that was a week ago and Steve still refused to be near him.

A part of Tony wants to stop Steve from leaving, but the other half argues that he should just let Steve be. They could talk later, but that excuse is getting old. It was always later, never now.

Tony gives Steve a head start, not wanting to chase him down and corner him into the conversation that was long overdue. He figures five minutes is enough time and he makes his way down the hall, eyes flickering in the direction of the spare bedroom. The door is open, revealing a burst of color, and with an annoyed huff he reaches for the knob and slams the door shut.

Steve is already out of his suit and into a plain t-shirt and sweats; that’s been his chosen attire for a few days now, and Tony never questions it, having done it before and getting snapped at. Their eyes meet for a moment, and then Steve is turning away, shutting Tony out like he always does.

Tony sighs and closes the door behind him. “Steve, we-”

“The service was nice,” Steve interrupts. “You did good.”

There’s a hint of guilt in those words. Steve wasn’t capable of making any of the funeral arrangements; the task was too difficult and Tony had to be the one to step in and get the job done.

“It wasn’t just me; Pepper helped. She liked the blue,” Tony says.

“Tell her I said thank you.”

“Tell her yourself. You saw her today, but you ignored her. You ignored everyone, Cap.”

“I just want some space. Why is that so hard for you to understand?” Steve asks.

“I get you want space, believe me I do, but when you start ignoring everyone, that’s when I have a problem. They’re trying to help us. I’m trying to help you, but you don’t let me in. Are we going to talk about it?”

“What is there to talk about? Our son is dead and…” Steve trails off, a shaky breath leaving his lips. His eyes well with tears, a few escaping and rolling down his face.

“I know,” Tony steps closer, the urge to pull Steve close becoming too much. He’s able to fulfill that desire when Steve grants him permission, and he wraps Steve in his arms. “I know he’s gone, but we promised we would get through this together. Remember that?”

Steve nods. His breathing hitches and Tony knows he’s crying again. “It’s not fair, Tony. God, I’m so angry.” His fists come crashing down on Tony’s chest, sobs ripping through him.

“I am too.” Tony rubs a hand up and down Steve’s back, trying to get him to calm down.

“Are you?” The question catches Tony off guard and he pulls away, allowing Steve to break free and connect their eyes. “Are you really angry and hurting like I am? You knew this was going to happen. From day one you knew.”

“Yeah, I had my doubts, but that doesn’t mean I’m not hurting. He was my son, too.”

“You mean the son you wanted me to abort?”

“Don’t, Steve. Don’t you dare fucking go there. I wanted him just as much as you did.”

“No, you didn’t,” Steve says with a shake of his head. Tony’s growing angry, Steve can tell by the way his brown eyes darken. But Steve doesn’t care. He’s angry too. “You didn’t want him, so don’t lie and claim that you did.”

“Steve, stop,” Tony takes Steve’s hands in his own, giving them a reassuring squeeze. Steve rips his hands free, and that’s when Tony loses it. “Okay fine, maybe I did suggest you should have ended the pregnancy, but that was only to spare us from this! You think I wanted to watch our son suffer? No, that was you.”

“I wanted to give him a chance!”

“He didn’t get one, Steve. God, why can’t you realize that! I’ve been blaming myself but maybe I should be blaming you. It was your health issues that killed him. This is on you.”

“Get out.”

“Gladly.” Tony makes his way toward the door and opens it. Before he leaves he turns around and says, “and would it kill you to keep the fucking door to his room closed?”

He doesn’t wait to get a response and he leaves the room, slamming the door on his way out.

* * *

Tony finds solace in his lab; he can spend hours tinkering and inventing, more often than not forgetting to sleep and eat. It’s fine, though. He’s used to putting his needs aside to get work done. Especially when his work is just a distraction from the world around him.

His lab offers a sense of security; it’s a place where he can just focus on his work and nothing else matters. He’s been guilty of running to his lab when things get tough and though he’s promised to cut back on his time spent there, this time he couldn’t keep that promise.

He’s still in the wet suit, and he wishes he changed before coming down to the workshop, but he couldn’t be in the same room as Steve right now. Steve needs his space and Tony needs his own.

They’ve had pretty bad fights in the past, and in the end they always find a way back to each other. This time around, Tony’s not so sure how long it’s going to take for them to cool down. They’ve never had a fight like this one before.

Tony changes out of his suit and into the spare clothes he keeps in case he ends up staying in the lab longer than he intends. That won’t happen this time, at least that’s what he tells himself. There’s no telling what will happen once he gets into his headspace.

He spends hours tinkering away on suits he knows doesn’t need fixing. It even gets to the point where he breaks them just to do it all over again. It’s just another needed distraction.

It’s late when he finally pauses his work. He leans back in his chair, rubbing a hand over his face and letting out a heavy sigh. Normally, Steve comes down looking for him, but Tony’s not about to get his hopes up.

He feels like an asshole. He shouldn’t have acted the way he did, letting his anger get the best of him only escalated the fight. Steve was hurting and he was going to lash out. Tony knew better, when to walk away. He wishes he had done that.

With a huff he pushes himself off the chair and reaches for the rag he keeps on his workbench, wiping the grease from his hands and tossing it to the side once he’s done. He knows he’s in need of a shower and he can already picture Steve yelling at him for climbing into bed without one. That’s fine, though. He’d rather have Steve yell at him then not say anything at all.

It’s quiet when he returns upstairs. The usual light Steve keeps on for him is dimly lighting up the living room, giving Tony hope that maybe Steve has calmed down.

Tony turns off the light and makes his way down the hall. A dim glow catches his attention and he sighs when he realizes where the source of the light is coming from. He wants to yell when he finds the bedroom door to his son’s room open, but it’s hard to do that when he peers inside and finds Steve sitting on the rocking chair, a familiar blue blanket held close to his chest. The soft sniffs that come from the opposite side of the room indicates that Steve had been crying. Tony hates seeing him so broken.

He quietly steps into the room, not wanting to startle his boyfriend. He’s not quiet enough and Steve peers up at him with tear-filled eyes. “Sorry,” he murmurs and quickly wipes away the tears that have managed to escape. “I know you hate being here.”

Tony sighs and crosses his arms over his chest, eyes roaming over the space that was supposed to be their son’s room. It still looks the way they had it; Steve didn’t want to tear it down. Tony wishes they had, it’s difficult to walk by and catch a glimpse of it. That’s why he likes the door closed.

“I don’t hate it…not really. It’s just-Steve, we should just turn it back into an office, or your studio. You wanted your own space and-”

“This is his room, Tony. I can’t tear it down...I can’t.”

Tony sighs again and steps further into the room. His eyes land on the blanket curled in Steve’s hands. He doesn’t know how many times he’s told him they should have buried their son with the blanket, but Steve was against the idea from the start. It was the only thing they had left of their son.

“I wish you would have let him keep it. That was his gift.” Tony regrets the words the minute they leave his mouth. Steve tenses, his fingers gripping the soft material tightly.

“I thought it was for the both of us.”

“Steve, I’m-”

“Why are you here? Isn’t the lab more important?”

“Steve, stop. I wanted to apologize. I want to talk.”

“Yeah? Well you’re doing a pretty pathetic job at doing it,” Steve says, tone bitter and cold.

“I’m sorry,” Tony apologizes, but his words do little to calm his angry boyfriend. His own anger is bubbling, but he reminds himself to stay calm. “Steve, please look at me. I’m sorry.”

Steve glances up, his eyes still showing a mix of hurt and anger. Tony’s not sure if that anger is still for him or because their son was ripped away from them. Both, he decides.

“Come on, Cap.” Tony kneels down in front of Steve, reaching out to take his hand. Steve doesn’t pull away and Tony continues, “I’m so sorry you’re hurting, but I’m hurting too.”

Steve scoffs and shakes his head.

“I am,” Tony says, “I know you don’t believe me but his death is affecting me too. I miss him and I wish we would have had more time with him.”

Steve’s eyes are full of tears again and this time Tony is the one to reach up and wipe them away. “It hurts, Tony. When I lost my mother, I thought that was the worst thing that could have ever happened to me. And now this…”

He’s sobbing now, body trembling and shaky breathes leaving his lips. Tony pulls Steve close, arms wrapping around him and holding him tight. “Shh, I know, Steve. I know, but it’s gonna be okay. I promise.”

Tony knows he’s making a big promise, giving Steve hope, but he knows from experience that the pain does eventually heal. It takes time, but together they could get through it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel so bad for them!!! I'm glad you all are liking this story and I will try to get the next chapter up soon!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I could say this chapter is drama free, but...it's not even close.

It’s easy to lose track of time when he’s in his place of escape. A distraction is something he finds he needs more of these days; a break from reality. He doesn’t have a lab to run off to like Tony does, but the gym proves to be enough. At least for now.

His hands are beginning to ache from how hard he’s punching the bag, but like everything else, he pushes that feeling aside. He needs to keep himself focused, but the images of his son and the past few weeks are still fresh in his mind, constantly torturing him.

The sand scattered around his feet grows with each punch, and the bag swings wildly. There’s a couple of bags on his left, proof that he’s been at this for too long. The one he’s working on now is not that far from joining them.

He punches harder, eyes squeezing shut when his son’s face flashes through his mind. He mesmerized every detail, wanting to never lose the last image of his son, and now that was all he could see. When he forces that memory away, a new one always takes its place.

No matter how hard he tries, the image of the tiny, blue coffin will never leave him. It haunts him every day and night, keeping him awake. Burying his son was one of the hardest things he ever had to do. He thought it was difficult when his mother had died, and though it had been, it didn’t compare to the pain of losing his child.

The guilt still weighs heavy on his shoulders, and he knows it’s always going to linger. Everyone told him it’s not his fault, but he struggles to believe the words of his friends. He was the reason why his son was born sick. Tony tries to take the blame, but deep down Steve knows he’s the reason for their son’s death, and he knows Tony believes it too.

Tears are gathering in his eyes and Steve punches harder, using the bag to relieve the pain and guilt that constantly plagued him. But it doesn’t alleviate the pain he’s feeling.

He’s angry. It wasn’t fair that their son was taken away from them. He thought he could be like his mother and work hard to give his son that chance, but he couldn’t give it to him. He failed his son.

Steve cries out in anger and throws one last punch; the force of the impact sends the bag flying off the hook and sand spills onto the floor. He can’t keep back the tears and they fall from his eyes, quiet sobs escaping him.

“Hey.” Steve’s head whips up in the direction of the familiar voice. Natasha is lingering in the entryway of the gym, her own eyes showing hints of hurt. Steve quickly wipes his tears away, not wanting to show how broken he really is, but hiding anything from Natasha is impossible.

“What are you doing here?” He decides to ask, even though he already knows the answer to his question. She wants to talk.

“I didn’t want you to be alone.” Natasha steps further into the gym, eyes flickering in the direction of the beaten bags. “They didn’t stand a chance against you, huh? Hope it helped.”

“It didn’t.” Steve crosses the room to retrieve the bag he had punched too hard. He tosses it in the pile, ignoring the trail of sand it leaves behind.

Natasha sighs and folds her arms over her chest. “Steve, you can’t keep shutting everyone out.”

“I’m not.”

“You’re a terrible liar.”

She knows him too well. “Yeah, maybe I am.”

Natasha comes closer and places one hand over his shoulder. The contact is nice, and the wall he’s put up crumbles. His eyes well with tears, shaky breathes leaving his lips. Natasha is quick to wrap him in a hug and that’s when he loses his composure.

She shushes him quietly, one hand running up and down his back and the other cradling his head. “It’s okay, Steve.”

Steve clings to her tightly, allowing the tears he’s been holding back to flow freely. “It’s my fault. Nat, it’s my fault.”

“No, Steve, it’s not. You did everything you could.”

“I could have done more…” A broken sob escapes him and Natasha pulls him closer.

“Don’t beat yourself up. This wasn’t on you.”

“Nat-”

“No,” Natasha says sternly, pulling away so that their eyes meet. She rubs her hands along his shoulders, trying to calm him down. “I won’t let you take the blame. This isn’t your fault, Steve.”

“I just…” Steve takes a shaky breath when his eyes fill with tears. “I just...I want him back.”

“I know, Steve. We all do. It’s okay to cry, but shutting us out isn’t going to help. I’m here for you. We all are.”

Steve nods and reaches up to dry his eyes. “Thank you.”

Natasha smiles softly. “You’re going to be okay. Just stop being so stubborn and let us help you.”

“Yeah,” Steve agrees. “I’ll work on it.”

“Good.” Natasha wraps him in another hug, then she’s pulling away. “Go home. I’m sure Tony’s not doing any better.”

Steve wants to scoff and tell her that Tony was doing just fine, but that was all a lie. Tony may appear that he’s put together, but the amount of time he’s been putting into the lab is proof that he’s falling apart.

Maybe it was time they talked.

* * *

Not many people have access to Tony’s lab. Steve was granted permission once their relationship grew more serious, but even then he knew to give Tony his space. That didn’t stop him from checking on Tony every once and while, knowing that his boyfriend could go days without food and sleep.

After their son’s passing, Steve hasn’t bothered to pay Tony a visit. There was no denying that he had shut out the most important people in his life and neglected his responsibilities. His shield hasn’t been touched in weeks and lately he didn’t feel the need to pick it up.

But the world still needed Captain America and Tony needed Steve Rogers.

Tony has his back toward him when Steve enters the lab. He’s hard at work on something Steve knows doesn’t need fixing. Tony has his ways of coping and he has his.

Steve places his hands over Tony’s shoulders, feeling the way his boyfriend tenses under his touch. This has been the most contact they’ve had with each other since their devastating loss.

“You should come upstairs,” Steve suggests, giving Tony’s shoulders a reassuring squeeze. “I miss you.”

Tony continues to work, acting as if he didn’t hear what Steve had said. Then he finally asks,“If you miss me so much then why has it taken you this long to come down here?”

Steve sighs. “I’m sorry. This has been hard for me.”

“Huh, I guess I wouldn’t know. You don’t talk to me anymore.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. I talked to Nat-”

“Oh, okay so Romanoff you’ll open up to but me-”

“Tony-”

“Just stop, Steve!” Tony shrugs Steve off and throws the tools that are in his hand on the workbench, the sound echoing throughout the room.

The silence that lingers between them is familiar. Steve blames himself for the distance he’s put between them. Tony had tried to get through to him, and initially Steve let Tony in, but that began to change and so did their relationship.

“You said we would do this together.” Tony is the first to break the silence; he always is.

“I know,” Steve says, quietly.

“Did you even mean it?” Tony turns in his chair, their eyes meeting for the first time in days. Steve doesn’t miss the way Tony’s eyes reflect the same pain and guilt that his own have been showing.

“Did you? You told me it was going to be okay, but it’s not. Nothing is okay, Tony, nothing.”

“I was just trying to help. What have you done to make the situation easier? I’m at least trying.”

“Yeah, working down here is a great help.”

Tony tenses, his hands balling into fists. He’s angry, but he knows to keep himself calm when they get like this. “I need space too, Cap. I need to...think about something else.”

“I’m trying to do the same-”

“By shutting everyone out? You haven’t said one fucking word to me in weeks, Steve!”

“Because I can’t.”

“Why!”

“Because you gave up!”

“I didn’t give up! Fuck, how many times do I have to tell you this? I didn’t want him to suffer, and I didn’t want us to be like this! You think I didn’t do enough, but what about you?”

“You blame me for this, don’t you?” Steve asks. He gets the answer to his question when Tony remains silent. “I knew it.”

“Steve,” Tony rises to his feet and reaches out for Steve’s hands, but Steve shakes his head and backs away. “Cap, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean-”

“No, you did mean it. I know it’s my fault, but when you admit it…” Steve pauses, and his eyes fill with tears. “I think we should-”

“What? Break-up?” When Tony doesn’t get an immediate response, he knows that’s what Steve wants. That inner voice urges him to beg and plead for Steve to change his mind, but his anger gets the best of him. “Good. Let’s break-up.”

“If that’s what you want…”

“It’s what you want, isn’t it? If this is too much for you then go. There’s the fucking door, Steve!”

“Don’t worry. I’ll go.”

They share one last look, then Steve leaves. Just like he said he would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so bad for them. The fighting if definitely both of their faults. Don't worry, they will get through this!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that it's taking me a while to update. It's been hard with work, but I'm trying and it seems like I will be updating over the weekends. This chapter is a little on the short side, but I will try and make the next one longer! Thank you for being patient!

Throughout his life, Tony has managed to screw up more times than he can count. The fame and riches that came with his title didn’t make him a perfect person, if anything it made him the complete opposite. The world always had an opinion about him, made sure to publicize his downfalls. But he’s worked on changing the views of the public, showing them that he wasn’t what he used to be.

He still had his issues, relapsing like anyone would and making mistakes. But he never thought that his next mistake would be his biggest one.

Steve was his everything, his whole world. From the moment they met Tony knew that Steve was special. Though they didn’t see eye to eye and struggled to meet in the middle, there was still something between them that could never be broken.

Now Tony felt like he had damaged everything they had worked hard for. Their relationship isn’t perfect and there were still times when they were put to the test, but they still managed to find a way back to each.

This time, however, was different. The passing of their son was hard on both of them; Steve more so because of the guilt he felt. But he wasn’t the only one who felt guilty for their loss. Tony regrets not having the same hope and faith that Steve possessed.

Maybe Steve was right. He should have done more.

Tony gives up on his work, deciding that another minute spent in his lab meant wasting the time he had with Steve. It was something he should have done a long time ago, but he had been an idiot and now he was paying for it.

The apartment is quiet when Tony steps foot through the door, and the first thing he notices is the darkness surrounding him. Steve always makes sure to keep a light on for him. He sighs and turns on the lamp in the living room, illuminating a small portion of the space in a dim glow.

He goes to check their son’s room, knowing that was Steve’s place to hide when he wanted to be left alone, but when he finds the room empty, he begins to panic. Relief washes over him when he enters their bedroom and finds Steve, but it’s when he notices the pile of clothes and an overnight bag on the bed that he starts to panic again.

“What are you doing?” Tony’s afraid to know the answer. Steve ignores him and continues to throw his belongings into the bag. “Steve.” Tony tries again and this time his eyes are met with blue ones.

“I’m leaving,” Steve states and crosses the room to grab more of his things. He pushes past Tony, freezing when Tony reaches out for him.

“Steve, stop. I didn’t mean what I said.”

“Yeah?” Steve yanks himself free from Tony’s grip. “Then why did you say it?”

“Because I was angry! I know that’s not an excuse-”

“You’re right, it’s not.”

“Steve, just wait. You’re the one who suggested we break-up.”

“But you went through with it. I needed you and-”

“I needed you, Steve!” Tony interrupts, voice raising. “We were supposed to get through this together, but instead you shut me out. You say I gave up, but it’s you giving up.”

Steve shakes his head and grabs more of his things. “I’m not giving up.”

“You’re giving up on us!”

“You broke up with me!”

“Only because...” Tony pauses, a heavy sigh leaving his lips and he runs his fingers through his hair. “Just tell me what to do, Steve.”

“I don’t know,” Steve says, then he’s turning away and zipping up his bag. “I need to think.”

“Just tell me. I don’t want you to leave. I love you.”

Steve doesn’t return those three words. “I’m sorry,” he says instead. “I have to go.”

Tony knows he needs to fight, to keep trying to save the one good thing he has left, but maybe he needed to take a step back and let Steve heal. He had wanted to be the one to nurse him back to health; to get him back to himself, but Tony was quickly learning that he couldn’t do it. At least not alone.

He lets Steve leave.

* * *

Steve regrets his decision to walk away; it’s not like him to give up when things got tough, but lately he hasn’t felt like himself. The devastating loss took more than just his son’s life; he lost his own. His son was his whole world and now he had nothing.

There was still Tony; he had proved to be the light in the darkness once before, but Steve didn't know if he could believe that now. They were being pushed further and further away from each other, and Steve felt like he had lost Tony too.

He still had the team to help him get through this difficult chapter of his life, but even their efforts to pull him out of the dark haven’t been enough. The pain is still there, gripping him tight and threatening to increase its hold on him until he had no choice but to let it devour him.

He needs to fight, to keep going like he always had, but for once in his life he doesn’t have the strength to push forward.

Tears threatened to fall and he does everything he can to keep them from spilling. He can feel Bucky’s eyes on him, but he can’t bring himself to face his gaze. This isn’t the first time Bucky has seen him so broken; the death of his mother had destroyed him and Bucky had been there to help pick him back up.

Steve’s hoping Bucky can do that again.

They’ve been sitting in silence for too long; Steve has only mentioned the break-up, making sure to keep the rest to himself, but Bucky can see right through him and pushes for more.

“You need to talk, Steve. I can’t help if you don’t,” Bucky reminds him. He’s seen Steve like this before and like those previous times, he’ll do anything to help his best friend. “Come on, pal. Talk to me.”

Steve still can’t meet Bucky’s gaze, knowing that if he does the floodgates will open. “I don’t know what to do,” he admits, quietly.

“Well, talking to me is a start.”

“It’s my fault.”

“Steve, it’s not. Tony will come around. He just-”

“No,” Steve interrupts with a shake of his head and he rises to his feet. “The baby...I did this.”

Bucky sighs sadly. He knew Steve was going to blame himself; it hasn’t been the first time he’s blamed himself when something went wrong. He’s taken the blame for failed missions, including the one Bucky will never forget. He’s reminded Steve over and over again that it wasn’t his fault when Bucky fell from the train.

“I wish you wouldn’t do that,” Bucky says. Steve finally gives in and their eyes meet. Bucky doesn’t miss how shiny and full of guilt they are. He’s seen them like that before. “Steve, there was nothing you could have done.”

“I could have done more, Buck! My son is dead because of me!”

“Steve-”

“Don’t sit there and tell me it’s not my damn fault when it is! He was sick because of me! I caused this!”

It’s becoming a challenge to keep himself collected. For months he’s been carrying around the guilt and blame. He was the reason why his son was sick; the illnesses that Joseph was forced to endure was all because of him. The serum had restored Steve’s frail body, but it had failed to do the same for his son. It wasn’t fair.

“I could’ve-” A sob rips through Steve’s throat, and the tears he’s been forcing back flood his eyes until he has no choice but to let them fall. Bucky is at his side in seconds, offering a comforting embrace. It takes Steve back when all he had was his best friend, and he welcomes his touch.

“It’s not your fault, Steve,” Bucky says, holding Steve tighter when he feels his body tremble against his. “You need to quit blaming yourself.”

Steve pulls away. “Tony believes it, too. He... he h-hates me,” Steve’s voice shakes, eyes shiny with fresh tears.

“No, Steve he doesn’t. He’s just…” Bucky trails off, frowning when he can’t find the right words to say. He can’t speak for Tony, but he sure as hell can assure his best friend that he’s not hated by the man he loves. “He’s hurting too. We all are, but no one hates you. Especially not him.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

“And you don’t have to. At least not right now. Just take it one day at a time. It gets easier, pal. I promise.”

Steve’s heard those words before, back when he was forced to be on his own. Bucky had been there for him just like he was now. Without him Steve didn’t know what he would have done. Bucky has done more than just saving his ass in Brooklyn alleys. Even when he had nothing he had Bucky.

Bucky doesn’t tell him to go home, and instead offers up the spare bedroom if Steve decides to stay a little longer. Steve accepts the offer. He needs some space and time to think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted some Steve and Bucky comfort. I will update next weekend...or hopefully by some miracle during the week!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little on the short side, but I’m happy to say that this the start of Stony getting better!

It doesn’t take long for Steve to think, and he finally makes a choice. It’s an obvious one; he can’t imagine losing Tony, not after everyone else he’s lost in the past. Tony had always been by his side and he knew now wasn’t going to be any different.

The past few months have been a struggle for them to meet in the middle, but that wasn’t something they haven’t experienced before. They’ve been down this road and just like then, they could get through anything that came their way.

Grieving is part of life; Steve’s done it before, and back then he hadn’t been alone, he had his best friend to help him get through the painful loss. He still had Bucky and the rest of the team, but there was no doubt in Steve’s mind that the person he’d want to do this with was Tony.

Steve doesn’t bother unpacking his bag; his mind is made up, and he slipped quietly out of Bucky’s apartment.

His own is quiet and for a moment he figures Tony is down in the lab, but then he notices the soft glow of the lamp in the living room. He leaves it on.

The door to their son’s room is slightly ajar and Steve reaches out to shut it, hand quickly retracting when soft sobs filled his ears. The sound hurts, but it’s nothing compared to the sight that greets him when he pushes the door open.

Tony is sitting in the rocking chair, hunched over with both hands in his face, body shaking with each escaped sob. Not many people get to see Tony like this; he keeps himself closed off, only allowing those he trusts. The last time Steve saw him cry was after the death of their son. He knew the loss was affecting Tony, he just didn’t know how hard it had been on him.

“Tony.” At the sound of his name, Tony’s head snaps up, giving Steve a perfect view of his tearful eyes. He’s been crying for a while, that much Steve can tell. The rims of his eyes are red and his cheeks stained with wet tracks that the tears have created. Steve has never seen him so broken.

Steve lingers in the doorway, waiting for Tony to grant him permission to enter. A part of him is not even sure if he’s welcome. After their fight and they way he left things, he didn’t expect Tony to welcome him with open arms.

“You left this,” Tony says, holding up their son’s blanket. He sniffs and rises from the chair, holding it out for Steve to take. “That’s why you came back, isn’t it?”

It’s tempting to accept the item that’s brought him comfort over the past few weeks, but he holds back. “I wanted to talk,” Steve says, taking a couple of steps into the room. Tony hasn’t told him to stop, so he takes a few more. “I’m sorry that I left. I just...I didn’t know what else to do.”

“Actually having an adult conversation with me would’ve been nice. Can’t remember the last time we’ve had one of those.”

Steve sighs. “Yeah, I guess I screwed up. I’m sorry, Tony. I really am.”

“You and me both.” Tony directs his attention on the blanket, one finger gently tracing over their son’s name. “He only used this once. I had this image in my head of him using it all the time; it would be his security blanket. I never had one as a kid, but I figured maybe he would.”

The hurt is evident in his tone and when Tony glances up to connect their eyes, Steve can see how shiny they’ve gotten. He pushes aside their fight and moves closer, opening his arms to offer comfort. Tony accepts it, allowing Steve to pull him close.

The room is once again filled with Tony’s soft sobs, Steve’s mixing in. They hold each other close, something they haven’t done in a long time.

“I’m sorry,” Steve whispers, eyes squeezing shut when more tears threaten to fall. “This is my fault.”

“No.” Tony pulls away, keeping his hands on Steve’s shoulders. “This isn’t your fault, and I’m sorry if I made you believe that it was. If you wanna blame someone, then blame me.”

“I’m not blaming you, and maybe one day I’ll stop blaming myself. I’m sorry...for everything.”

“I know. I shouldn’t have…” Tony sighs. “I can’t...I can’t lose you, Cap. I already lost him and then when you left-” A choked sob escapes him and Steve pulls him close again. Tony clings to him tightly, letting out all of the emotions he’s kept buried deep inside.

“I was wrong, Tony. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Steve holds Tony tighter, never wanting to let him go. The guilt is back, but this time it’s not for letting his son down, it’s for letting Tony down. He had made a promise they would get through the hard times together, and he had broken that promise.

Tony breaks the embrace, using one hand to reach up and brush away the tears rolling down Steve’s face. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay.”

Steve hasn’t believed those words; it was difficult for him when nothing had been okay. But for the first time since their son’s passing, he was slowly starting to listen to them, to believe what Tony was telling him.

He knows the healing process is going to take time, but with his Tony by his side, he could move on from the pain and find happiness again.

* * *

They had talked about it, gave themselves a whole year to decide if they were ready to try again. He thought he had been, but now he couldn’t say that he was. There were still times when he struggled to let go and move on, to stop blaming himself. Some days were easier than others, but slowly he was forgiving himself.

There should be a sense of joy knowing that they were lucky enough to get a second chance, but there’s fear there too. He didn’t want a repeat of last time.

Steve can’t tear his eyes away from the smiley face staring back at him. He grips the plastic stick tightly, eyes squeezing shut when tears begin to gather. A few roll down his face and he quickly wipes them away. He’s not sure if they’re tears of happiness or fear. Maybe both.

A soft knock on the door reminds him that he’s been gone for too long, and he quickly makes himself presentable. Despite his best efforts, it’s obvious that he’s been crying. He has an excuse if anyone asks; it’s his son’s anniversary.

That thought alone is enough to bring more tears to his eyes. But it’s not just a reminder of the painful loss that’s hurting. He feels guilty for trying again, and for it succeeding so close to this day. It makes him sick and he finds himself on the floor, body curled around the toilet as he heaved into the bowl.

The knocking grows in urgency; Tony’s worried. “Steve,” the sound of his voice reaches Steve’s ears. He doesn’t reply at first, and that only worries Tony more. “Cap, you okay? Hun, open the door.”

Steve pulls back enough to give Tony a response. “I’m okay,” he assures. It’s not enough reassurance for his boyfriend.

“Steve, open the door. Please.”

He doesn’t move quickly, wanting to give himself a moment to catch his breath. There’s no point in trying to fix his appearance, knowing Tony will see right through him. The test is still in his hand when he opens the door; Tony has failed to notice, his attention fully on Steve’s face.

“Hey. You okay?” Tony is frowning, eyes full of concern. It clicks and his expression softens. “Steve, it’s okay. We don’t have to go.”

Steve shakes his head. They visit as much as they can, some days are impossible with their busy schedules, but today could not be missed. “We can’t, Tony. Today’s…” Steve pauses, taking a breath to calm himself. He grips the test harder, wishing he had thrown it away. This was not the time.

“If you’re sure. I know it still...hurts.”

“I’m sure.”

Tony is still eyeing him closely, searching for any indication that Steve isn’t being truthful. Though time has passed since they lost Joseph, Steve was still struggling to move on. Tony understood, he had his own days of trying to cope, but he wasn’t going to give up. He had done that before and vowed to never do it again.

He doesn’t find anything that would suggest Steve was against the idea of visiting their son, but something does catch his eye. His attention is drawn to the object held in Steve’s hand, brows furrowing in confusion. He glances up to connect their eyes, silently asking a question he’s not sure he’s going to get the answer to.

Steve has noticed and he glances down quickly, then he’s meeting Tony’s eyes again. He sighs. “I’m…” Getting the words is difficult, and he’s glad Tony isn’t pushing him. “I’m...pregnant.”

The silence seemed to go on forever, making Steve wish he had kept the results of the test to himself, or for a better time.

“You’re...you’re…” Tony stumbles over his own words. His eyes grow shiny, and Steve doesn’t miss the way they sparkle. He hasn’t seen them that way in some time.

“Yeah.” Steve nods. His own eyes are gathering with tears, and this time he knows that happiness is the source for them.


	11. Chapter 11

The news that they were getting their second chance should have brought forth happiness, and for the most part Steve was overwhelmed with joy, but the guilt was still there. They should not be having another baby so close to losing their first, and Steve regrets the idea of them trying again.

Tony appears to be feeling the opposite, and a part of Steve resents him for that. He doesn’t understand how Tony can be thrilled about the idea; they haven’t had a chance to fully heal from the painful loss.

Only a few words have been shared between them since Steve revealed the shocking news. The test is still in his hand, eyes glued to the smiley face. He frowns, a heavy sigh leaving his lips and that’s when Tony finally breaks the silence.

“You’re upset, aren’t you?”

Steve glances up to meet his gaze, finding the sparkle gone from Tony’s eyes. He shakes his head, but he knows it’s not enough to assure Tony. “It’s just...I didn’t think it would happen so soon.”

“We haven’t exactly been careful.” Tony reminds him, joining Steve on their large bed. He reaches for his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I’m with you on this happening sooner than we anticipated, but I’m still happy. We get to do this again; we get to have a family.”

“I’m willing to move on, Tony, you know that. But finding out today...it doesn’t feel right. Maybe we should have waited or-”

“Steve, I know this is unexpected, but this is our second chance. This baby is going to help us move on.”

Steve sighs and he glances back down at the test in his hand. He’s happy that he’s been lucky enough to get another chance at having a family; not many get a second chance. It’s not just the guilt that’s depriving him of full happiness. The fear of something going wrong again is haunting him.

“I’m scared,” he admits. “If something happens...Tony, I’ll never forgive myself. Parent’s are not supposed to bury their children and if I have to that a second time-”

“Hey, look at me.” Tony hooks a finger under Steve’s chin, gently urging him to meet his gaze. He smiles when their eyes meet and he reaches over to wipe away the tears that started rolling down Steve’s face. “It’s okay. Nothing, and I mean nothing is gonna happen to this baby. We don’t have to worry this time, Steve.”

Steve nods, lips curving into a small smile. “I guess we’ve switched roles. I remember it being me trying to convince you that everything was going to be fine.”

Tony gives a small shrug in response. “I’m trying this whole faith thing. Worked pretty well for you. Do you think you have a little left?”

“Yeah. I think I do.”

Tony smiles and connects their lips. “Good,” he says once they break apart. He rises to his feet and offers his hand for Steve to take. “Come on, Cap. Let’s go see our son.”

* * *

The scene is familiar. The room closely resembles the one he remembers, the only thing missing is the crowd of unfamiliar faces. One face stands out among the ones he does know. Christine was suggested by Strange to assist him; he knows her and that should be enough for Steve to trust her, but he’s still hesitant.

Steve turns away from her, setting his attention on the ceiling above him, eyes fixated on a small stain. It’s not enough of a distraction from the pain radiating through him. He squeezes his eyes shut when the pain becomes unbearable, and his fingers twist the sheets beneath him. Someone is taking his hand, rough fingers running along his knuckles.

Tony’s voice is in his ear, and Steve turns toward the comforting sound, opening his eyes and meeting deep brown ones. Tony smiles down at him, using his free hand to brush back the sweat-damped hair on Steve’s forehead.

“You’re doing so good, Cap,” Tony tells him. Steve’s heard those words before. The night he had his son comes flooding back, and with it the fear he’s been battling the past few months.

He reminds himself that this baby is healthy; his past health conditions have no affect on his son or daughter. He wishes he had learned the gender, but he was afraid to learn too much.

Strange had assured that the baby was doing well and Steve had nothing to worry about, but that fear was still there, making it difficult to believe the Doctor’s words.

The pain in his middle intensifies, but it doesn’t compare to the one between his legs. Steve tries to fight the urge to bear down, and it’s not until he hears Strange instructing him to push does he give in to what his body wants. He grips Tony’s hand harder, small cries of pain tearing through his throat with each push.

“Come on, Steve. Almost there,” Tony encourages, and he presses his lips to Steve’s temple, placing a gentle kiss to the area.

“Tony, I can’t. I can’t…” Steve’s unaware of the tears rolling down his face until Tony is wiping them away. He can’t fully voice the fear, but he knows Tony can sense it.

Steve slumps back, giving his body a chance to rest. But the break doesn’t last long, and his body protests, forcing him to give in and bear down again. He can hear the excitement growing in Tony’s voice, and it urges him on.

With a pained yell, he pushes as hard as he can, then he collapses back. The pain is nothing more than a dull ache now, and he’s able to push that feeling aside. All he can focus on is the silence in the room, and for a moment Steve fears the worst.

_Please cry. Please cry._

The cry is loud, louder than the one Joseph had made. Steve forced himself up, eyes transfixed on the baby cradled in Stephen’s arms. His baby.

The smile on the Doctor’s face is enough reassurance. His baby was okay.

“Congratulations, Captain. It’s a boy.”

A choked sob escapes him and Steve leans forward, arms outstretched for his son. There’s no hesitation this time and Steve is granted permission to hold his son. The first thing Steve notices is the mess of dark hair on his head. It’s sticky and matted down, but that doesn’t stop Steve from bringing him close and pressing a gentle kiss to his head.

The loud cry his son produces dies down until they’re nothing but small whimpers. His eyes slowly open, revealing a dark shade that Steve is familiar with. There’s a bit of himself in his features, but there was no denying that he was going to take after Tony. He was beautiful.

The time spent with his son is interrupted, igniting that fear. Steve brings his son closer, fighting to keep him in his arms a little longer.

“It’s okay,” Christine assures with a gentle smile. “I just want to make sure he’s okay.”

Steve is still hesitant, but there’s something about her that he can trust and he lets her take his son away. His ears strain to listen for any sound of discomfort and when the crying starts back up again, Steve has to fight the urge to rush to his son.

He sneaks a glimpse in the direction of his son’s cries, growing worried when they rise in volume. Tony is still holding his hand, squeezing it gently in an attempt to comfort him.

“Steve, he’s okay,” Tony tells him. “I promise.”

“I already told you, Rogers; your son is perfectly fine. Now relax,” Strange instructs.

There’s no point in putting up a fight and Steve forces himself to do as the Doctor says. It’s easier said than done, relaxing has never been a simple task for him. But if it meant getting to properly meet his son, then he would do it. He would do anything for him.

It feels way too long since Christine had taken his son and he’s ready to beg for him back, but he never gets the chance to. A small whimper fills his ears and he glances in the direction of his son, tears gathering in his eyes at the sight of him.

Steve sits up, wincing slightly from the ache that shoots through him. The pain is easily forgotten when his son is back in his arms. He’s wrapped in a soft blanket and a blue hat has been placed over his head.

Tears gather in his eyes and this time Steve knows fear is not to blame; he’s never been happier.

Tony comes closer, his own eyes shining with unshed tears. “He’s perfect,” he says, and he leans in to kiss the top of Steve’s head.

Steve smiles. “Yeah, he is.”

* * *

The room isn’t large enough to hold the whole team comfortably, but that doesn’t stop them from paying their Captain and the newest addition a visit. Natasha is the first to come over and greet them, her eyes sparkling at the sight of her nephew.

She never got to meet Joseph when he was alive, and it wasn’t until Tony notified the team of their son’s passing did she get a chance to see him. Natasha had cried then, mourning the loss of the nephew she had been excitedly awaiting.

The tears in her eyes aren’t from sadness brought on from the devastating loss; she’s happy. She’s finally getting her chance to be an aunt.

Bucky and Sam are just as thrilled about being uncles. Just like with Joseph, they were going to spoil this new baby.

“He’s beautiful.” Natasha smiles down at her nephew’s sleeping face. She adjusts him in her arms, chuckling softly when he squirms. Her eyes darted up to meet Steve’s tired ones. “You did good, Steve.”

Steve smiles in response and lets his head fall on Tony’s shoulder. Tony wraps an arm around him, bringing him closer and pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

“You want us to go, pal?” Bucky asks when he catches the way his friends’ eyes flutter.

“Nah,” Steve says. He tries to stifle a yawn, failing miserably. He’s exhausted from the delivery, but being near his friends is just what he needs.

“I think we better,” Sam suggests. “We can come back later.”

Tony nods his head in agreement and he rises to his feet to see everyone out. He doesn’t bother kicking Natasha out, knowing he would end up on the floor if he did. Even with a baby in her arms, he knew she could still hurt him.

Natasha keeps her eyes on the baby’s sleeping face, lips curving into a smile when he stretches and yawns. “What’s his name?” She asks the new parents.

The question goes unanswered for a moment, Steve and Tony sharing a look. They hadn’t given much thought to names, not when they were too overwhelmed with the fact that this baby was theirs to keep.

“Oh uh…” Tony trails off, rubbing the back of his neck as he thinks of a name. He meets Steve’s eyes again. “We had a few times picked out right? We can name him-”

“Peter,” Steve says. He remembers coming across the name and favoring it, but never voiced it out loud. He didn’t want to get attached to another name.

“Peter.” Natasha smiles and traces a finger along her nephews face. “It fits him.”

“Okay my turn.” Tony opens his arms impatiently. He hadn’t had a chance to fully bond with his son, letting Steve hold him as long as he wanted.

Natasha shoots Tony a frown, then with a defeated sigh she gently passes Peter to his father. He stirs in his sleep, small whimpers slipping past his lips when he’s disturbed.

“Guess he loves me more.” Natasha smirks.

There’s a snarky remark on the tip of his tongue, but Tony keeps it to himself. All of his attention is on his son. He rejoins Steve on the bed, adjusting the blanket around Peter and then he’s drifting back to sleep.

“I think this little guy needs his own blanket,” Tony says.

Steve understands what Tony is referring to and he smiles. “Yeah, I think he does.”

His eyes flutter again and he forces himself to keep them open a little longer, not wanting to look away from Peter for a second.

“Get some rest,” Natasha tells him and Steve knows to listen. She makes her way to the door, then she’s turning around and smiles. “Congratulations. You have your rainbow baby.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Peter is their rainbow baby and I’m so glad they’re happy again!! There is only one chapter left, but it’s going to be sweet. Thank you all for reading and I will update soon!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is the last chapter. I hope the promise I made about a happy ending was kept!

The first night with Peter is the hardest; he cries like all babies do, which doesn’t come as a surprise to the new parents. They knew they were in for some rough nights, but despite the struggles it takes to get the newborn to sleep and the lack of sleep they get in return, Steve is just happy that they were able to bring Peter home.

The nursery had been modified in the months leading up to his birth; it didn’t seem right placing him in a room that wasn’t entirely his. It had been Joseph’s room for the longest time, and initially Steve was against the idea of putting Peter in there, arguing that he should have his own space.Tony was willing to add another room to their apartment just to make his boyfriend comfortable, but then Steve came around to the idea of using the space for Peter.

The room was still Steve’s favorite spot in their home; it was the place he had planned spending every day with Joseph, but that was all in the past now and he was willing to move on and let that room become Peter’s. He wouldn’t have any memories with his firstborn in that room, but he would make some with his second.

Steve never lets Peter out of his sight. He’s constantly checking on him, making sure that he’s still breathing while he sleeps and rushing to his side whenever he cries. Tony has assured him multiple times that Peter was fine, and deep down Steve knew that he was, but that didn’t stop him from still checking.

A week passes with ease; Peter is healthy, and shows no signs of any problems. Steve wonders if the serum has affected him at all; there hasn’t been any indication that it has, but Steve still keeps an eye out for them.

He stops sleeping in his bed. When Peter wakes them in the middle of the night, Steve is the first one up. Tony put a stop to that immediately. Parenting is a partnership, and there was no way in hell he was going to let Steve do it all on his own. It wasn’t like he slept most of the time anyway, and he’d prefer it if Steve was the one to get the full eight hours.

Tony understood why Steve had taken it upon himself to provide most of the care for his son. He was still guilty of what happened to them a year ago, and if he could prevent them from losing another child, then he was going to do it. Tony sometimes hated how determined and stubborn his boyfriend could be.

It doesn’t come as a surprise to wake up and find the left side of the bed cold. Steve had obviously been sleeping somewhere else again, and with a heavy sigh Tony throws the blankets off and goes to search for his boyfriend. It doesn’t take long to find him.

Tony lingers in the doorway of the dimly lit room, watching as Steve slowly paces the floor, a bright smile on his face as he rocks their son gently. Tony waits until Peter’s small whimpers die down before entering the room.

“I knew I’d find you here. Did he wake up again?” Tony asks, even though he already knows the answer. There was no doubt in his mind that Steve had been awake first and decided to spend the rest of the night beside Peter. It was something he always did.

“No,” Steve says with a shake of his head. He still has his eyes on Peter’s sleeping face. “I just wanted to make sure he was okay.”

Tony sighs. “Cap, he’s fine. Strange said-”

“I know what he said...I just like making sure. I can’t lose him.”

“You won’t.” Tony steps closer and this time Steve glances up to meet his eyes. Tony smiles and reaches out to brush his finger along Peter’s face. “This little guy’s stuck with us.”

“I hate myself for regretting our second chance. I thought maybe it was too soon but now I can’t imagine my life without him.”

“I know. You can’t keep blaming yourself, Steve. And this is how we move on, how we heal. He’s gonna help us.”

Steve smiles. “Yeah. Nat was right, he is our rainbow baby.”

“Oh that reminds me,” Tony says suddenly and Steve raises a questioning brow. “Just give me a minute,” Tony assures, then he’s disappearing from the room.

“Your daddy’s a little crazy.” Steve tells his son. “But you probably already know that.”

Steve moves to the rocking chair and quietly calms his son when he whimpers in his arms. Tony returns to the room; Steve’s attention is immediately drawn to the item in his hand: a blanket.

“I didn’t get a chance to wrap it,” Tony explains and he carefully unfolds the soft, plush blanket. The design isn’t of his shield or Tony’s helmet-Steve was sure it would be Iron Man themed this time around- but in the center of the blanket is a rainbow, and just beneath that is their son’s name spelled out in blue letters.

“Tony…” Steve is at a loss for words. His vision blurs and it’s then he realizes he’s crying.

“I didn’t have one made before because we didn’t have a name, but as soon as we did I got right on it. Believe me I wanted red and gold for obvious reasons, but I figured this suited him. He’s our rainbow after the storm.”

“Yeah.” Steve smiles and he glances down, his smile widening when he finds brown eyes staring up at him. “Hey, Petey. Daddy has a surprise for you.”

Tony comes closer and gently places the blanket over his son’s small form. Peter’s eyes flicker in Tony’s direction for a moment, then he’s settling his eyes back on Steve’s. Small fingers brush over the blanket before closing around it.

“I think he likes it,” Tony says.

Steve nods his head in agreement and leans down to press a kiss to Peter's head. “It’s perfect.”

* * *

It was a nice day; warm and sunny, not at all like how it had been on that day a few years ago. The clear, blue sky lifts their spirits, but the pain is still there, resurfacing when they locate the stone marker.

Steve gets down on one knee, using one hand to carefully clear away any dirt. A sad sigh leaves his lips and his eyes mist over when he runs his hand over the engraved name.

He glances up, finding two sets of brown eyes staring down at him. Tony offers a small smile, then he’s gently nudging their son closer. Peter is hesitant, his dark eyes full of confusion. They had told Peter about his brother, but they had never taken him with them to visit him. He was still too young to fully understand, and they weren’t sure how he would react.

A colorful bouquet of flowers is held tightly in Peter’s arms; he had picked them out himself once he learned he would be visiting his older brother. He comes closer until he’s standing near Steve, and his eyes land on the headstone in front of him.

“Can I give Joseph his flowers now?” Peter asks, quietly. The tone of his voice comes off a little unsure and Steve sends him a reassuring smile.

“Yeah, Pete. Go ahead.”

Peter gives a small nod and he gets down on the ground, gently placing the flowers near the front of the stone. He smiles proudly at himself, then he’s reaching out to trace his finger along the name he’s heard so much about.

“Papa, he’s in heaven, right?”

“Yeah, baby he is.”

“Oh. I want to see him!”

Steve chuckles and wipes his tears away. “You can’t right now. One day.”

Peter frowns, his dark eyes are once again full of confusion. Steve wasn’t expecting him to fully understand; some days he didn’t understand it himself.

“Come here.” Steve pulls Peter close, wrapping him in his arms and pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

Peter notices the tears running down his papa’s face, and he pulls away. “Why are you sad?” he asks.

“We just miss him, kiddo,” Tony answers. He joins his family and holds out a small, brown bear with a balloon in its arms. “You forget this, Pete.”

“Yeah!” Peter cries and accepts the bear, giving it a hug before placing it near the flowers. “There, now he has his birthday present! I hope he likes it.”

“I’m sure he does.” Tony smiles.

Peter sighs sadly. “I miss him too, daddy. Can we see him again tomorrow?”

“Oh um…” Tony starts and he shares a look with his husband. He knew how hard it still was for Steve whenever they visited.

“I think tomorrow sounds good,” Steve answers.

“Yay! I wanna tell him about all my toys and Ned and Uncle Bucky and Auntie Nat and-”

Steve chuckles at his son’s rambling. “Okay, Pete. You can tell him about all of those things tomorrow.”

“Yep,” Tony agrees and he picks Peter up into his arms. “Time to go, kiddo.”

“No fair!” Peter whines with a pout. “I didn’t get to tell him happy birthday yet.”

“You didn’t?” Tony makes sure to gasp exaggeratedly. “We can’t leave then.”

Peter squirms in Tony’s arms until he’s being placed down, and he rejoins Steve on the ground. He smiles and traces along the letters that spell out his brother’s name. “Happy Birthday! You’re the bestest brother in the whole world! Me and Papa and Daddy love you 3000!”

Steve laughs softly, tears gathering in his eyes at his son’s words. Peter had said those words to Tony, and they stuck ever since. Now hearing Peter saying them to Joseph is bittersweet. Steve often wonders how different things would be if Joseph was still with them, and there times when he wished he had his son. But he had Peter, and that was all he needed.

For as long as Steve could remember, life hadn’t been fair toward him. He lost so much, and often wondered how it could get any worse. But storms don’t last forever, and a rainbow is always at the end of one. Steve finally had his rainbow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sad that this one is over, but at least they all got their happy ending! I just want to thank everyone for reading this! I appreciate the kudos and nice words that were shared! You guys are the best and I love you all!


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